Nooner's News - 14th Aug 2010

Eight of us arrive for the golf today, namely:- Mark, Bill G, Iain and Gary, Jack, and yours truly, plus it is good to have them back with us again, Mr Ellis and Charlie. I know you have had a couple of rounds with us of recent, but as this is the first time I have seen you out with us, welcome back. (We just need the weather to turn for the Winter and Ricky will be with us too !)

So, we have two four balls and the first four cards drawn by Gary are, Mark, Iain, Charlie and myself. Over to the first tee on the "Royal" Darley, balls in the air and it's Iain and myself against Charlie and Mark.

My tee shot here is a low runner and finishes about twenty yards short of the mounds. Marks is over to the right on the Lochgreen, (when did we last play there ?) Iain is not far from the tee, by the eighteenth fairway and Charlie just beyond the mound. Mark, Charlie and I record sixes, but Iain wins it for us with a five. Mark then leads us by means of a new route to the second tee; under the old railway bridge, up the grass and down to the tee, via the path. My tee shot at the second is just beyond the left bunker, hack it forward and am on the Green for three. Continue to three putt, but Mark gets the four and we are all square.

On to the third. Mark is lost in the bushes on the left, Charlie over the burn and Iain doesn't wait for me to tee off first, he sacks me, so Mark says. I duck hook my ball and elect to play a provisional, just in case. Provo clears the burn and is nicely placed. Mark too, opt for a provisional. Onward to the burn , and my tee shot is nicely short of all the bushes and playable.  A nice pitch sees me nestling at the back of the Green, Charlie lifts my provisional and places it in his pocket. Mark goes on to score a nine here !. Yours truly just misses the birdie, the first of several missed birdies, but gets the par.

At four, both Mark and Charlie hit delightful tee shots and are about eight feet and twelve feet, respectively, from the hole. I get a five, Iain is out of contention here. Charlie putts first and gets a birdie two. Mark then putts and he too gets a birdie two. Charlie remarks that "you've just halved my pot" to Mark.Iain says, "that was overkill to win the hole."

Onto five, and we get the half here, but are still down.  My tee shot as six finds the first bunker on the right. No alternative to to get a sand wedge to hit and propel it down the fairway. Knock it on by about forty yards. I then cream a four wood to about one hundred yards from the Green. That gave me great delight as it was lying on a slightly downhill lie. A nine iron sees the ball safely on the Green and only three feet from the pin. The putt is one which I don't miss and a five is carded here. Nae bad, considering where the tee shot ended up!

Onto seven and sadly, Charlie loses his ball here. I am nicely placed and am on, in regulation. A slightly bold birdie putt passes the hole and the four is missed! get the five and Mark is delighted that we only halve, despite me getting a stroke !.

At eight, I am again nicely placed. My second shot is a "good bad one", with my five iron which scuttles along the deck, onto and then through the Green and finishes in the hollow at the back of the Green. A nice eight iron knock on, yields a putt for the four, which I get. Onto the ninth.

At nine, my six iron tee shot is sweetly struck and it's on the Green, fifteen feet from the hole. Again the usual thing happens. A bold birdie putt just misses and is four feet past. Again finish with a bogey ! Just when we looked to be near to getting level, we are two down at the turn.

At the first tee, Mr E and Charlie had biscuits. At the tenth tee, Charlie is ruing the fact that he thinks Mr. E. has "half inched" his biscuit, as it is most definitely NOT, in his (Charlie's ) golf bag. Charlie is miffed, to say the least. He lets us all know about it for most of the rest of the round.

Devious tee placing at ten, right at the front of the tee, just in line with the shrubbery. My tee shot is consequently to the right, and lost! Reload and it ends up in the first bush to the right of the fairway. So, three off the tee and then a penalty drop. My fifth shot is very sweetly struck with my six iron and is to the left of the Green. A delightfully judged lob-wedge shot is two and a half feet away and in it goes for a seven, with two penalty shots!

The eleventh is really about two holes, neither of them being the important one on the Green. After a good tee shot, my second is duffed and it finishes in a rabbit hole. (First hole) Free lift and drop and ultimately get a second consecutive seven. Charlie, who is in trouble off the tee, finds his first and duffs it further forward. Er, still hadn't crossed the Burn at this point. He plays again and loses this one in the shrubbery on the left. He elects just to knock a ball up. There is no sign of it, until Mark finds it nestling safely in the bottom of the Winter Green hole, somewhere in the valley, short of the Green. (Second hole)

Mark really is on form today. At twelve, he is down in the long grass, beyond and left of the green. A very sweet pitch sees his ball about four feet from the hole; he gets his par and another win !

We manage to get a half at thirteen and Mark's game is just too much for a struggling Iain and myself and Mark and Charlie are the victors of the four ball by five and four. Over to fifteenth tee and "chips on the bye" is on. My tee shot here is over the bunker and down the valley to the left of the fairway. A pitch on in regulation and yet again a three putt! One down in the bye.

Iain and I level the bye by both getting pars at the par three sixteenth. Iain's tee shot at seventeen, "goes back to school". I am nicely placed in the light rough beyond the bunker on the left. A seven iron is long, but left of the Green, leaving a pitch on. The pitch is about a foot short of being perfect, just catches the grass and is stopped, just on the fringe. A long down hill putt is just short in four and I get the five. Mark gets the four and they are again, one up in the bye.

At eighteen, Mark duffs his drive, into the longish grass about ninety yards down range. The rest of us are nicely placed. then, to Charlie's  utmost astonishment, Mark takes out his driver. Charlie is still astonished when Mark creams his second shot to lie in the vicinity of our seconds. I am nicely placed in two, but pull my third into the left Green side bunker. Mark plays a six iron and puts his third shot onto the putting Green. He reloads and plays a seven iron, second time around, only to put that on to the putting Green too !

My ball is lying thus, that I can't get a stance in the bunker. Play the shot out, with the ball a good two feet below my feet. Just short in four another three putts yield a seven. Iain and Charlie half the hole in six and we are one down in the bye ! The match and chips are both lost ! Out in 45 and back in 51 gives me a 96 and 27 points. My 96 equates to a nett 80. Not bad, considering.

Into the clubhouse to record the scores, then off to the nineteenth. Jack, Iain and Gary had to shoot off leaving the rest of us

At the nineteenth, Mr. E comes in and Charlie has a go at him for allegedly nicking his biscuit. Mr. E vehemently denies it. Now I trust both explicitly, so the question is, "what ever DID happen to Charlie's biscuit?" Answers please on a postcard addressed to Ricky,c/o Haggs Castle Golf Club.

Again the golf, the banter and the chips were good. Next week it's the St. Medan's Open. Good luck to those Nooners in it. I shall be somewhere on the Isle of Arran. See you in a fortnight, guys.

Nooner's News - 24th July 2010

 Seven of us arrived for the golf on Saturday, over Lochgreen. James was around, Mark in the clubhouse, having his breakfast and I was chatting with Mark, when Jack arrived. Bringing up the final three were Bill G. Iain and Gary. Gary approached me and said, "I liked your introduction to the article last week, only thing is, that I am not his son-in-law, yet". "Sorry about that", I replied, "another case of being not fully briefed by Her Majesty's Constabulary". "You could say that", said Gary !

So then, on with the golf. Three cards are pulled and it's Mark, Gary and myself, leaving Bill, James, Iain and Jack in the four ball. Second round of the D.G. Baxter, back on the white tees. Gary was playing his third round for handicap purposes, so off we go.

Course was playing fairly long so it was a bit of a slog out there. Gary was playing well and ultimately, notched a score in the mid eighties. Wouldn't be surprised if he gets a handicap in the low teens.  Despite the course playing long, I am hitting some nice shots, but scoring more bogie's than pars. The other thing being, as I was marking Gary's card, for handicap, I wasn't marking the Stableford score, either on his card or mine !

Not a great deal to report on the golf except that our three ball managed to get several holes ahead of the four ball. We were at the thirteenth Green when they were at the eleventh Green. We finished at 1:10 and Gary went back "over the road".  Mark and I went to the Nineteenth. (We will have to do something about that next time. Maybe take two before coming out of the final Bunker !)  "Didn't do my Stableford" , I said. "29" replies Mark. Mark had 34, I think. Half an hour later, still no sign of the four ball, so, Mark buys me a drink from the kitty. With that, in come James, Bill and Jack. So Mark and I stayed another twenty minutes or so and then we went our separate ways.

So, that's it then for another week. Back on the Darley next Saturday. See you again, then, guys.

Nooner's News - 17th July 2010

Last Friday at the Open, the wind blew and sent the scores rocketing. Poor Rory McIlroy, achieves a course record 63, and another St. Andrews score lower then 70 and on the Friday, is blown away into the 80's. He ultimately finishes with two more scores in the 60's. which was very commendable indeed. However, it was windy here last Saturday for the D.G. Baxter memorial over Darley. Our only club competition played off yellow tees. There wasn't "much give" in the placement of them either !.

However, six of us turn up for the golf, Iain and his son in law and Bill G, whose cards remained when the draw was made, giving the first three ball of Jack, Mark and myself.

Off we went down the first and we all scored points. Over to the second and I duff my drive, forward in to the rough, play another and it remains in the rough. Out in three, pitch on for a four and get a six. The third sees me duff my drive, over the shrubbery and decided to play a provisional. We find the first just short of the bushes before the burn. The provisional was sitting nicely too, just short of the burn, also being duffed. Mark and Jack were playing steadily. We all scored at the fourth and were in trouble at the fifth, with both Mark and I hitting provisionals here. Like I said, a bit of a slog with the wind affecting us today.

Managed to accumulate eleven points and no pars by the turn. Hit a nice tee shot at ten and my second is through the Green to the left hand side. Come on for a three and two putts yield the five. On to eleven, and duff my tee shot, short of the bridge. Mark plays his tee shot, way left and reloads.His provisional is way right, and he finds that without going off to look for his first ball. A kindly dog walker finds his ball, in play a fair bit over to the left, lying in a position that would be deemed to be a good duffed shot at 13 ! At 12, Mark and Jack both get threes to my four. Jack is playing very steadily and is putting a good score together.

At thirteen, Mark nearly drives the burn and is in fact, on the down slope, in the longish grass. At fourteen, I'm in a good position with my drive and my five iron second catches the far bank of the burn. When we get there it is slightly plugged, but playable. My stance is on good solid ground on the bank, just above the "low water mark" so decide to play it. Comes out nicely with my lob wedge and stops just on the Green. "That will need some cleaning" says Mark as half the bank comes on to the Green, still attached to the ball.

At fifteen, my tee shot is adjacent to the bushes beyond the left hand bunker. Play a nice seven iron and am safely on the Green about ten feet past the hole. My birdie putt is, as Alan says, "halfway for ladies" and I then get my one and only par for the round. All is well again, with the World after that !

On to the par three sixteenth and some hooligan has thrown the flag into the bushes on the left of the Green. "Probably a member who has just missed a two" exclaims Mark. A guy from the three ball in front does the decent thing and retrieves the flag. He replaces it into the hole with a kinda "I've just claimed this hole back for Scotland" approach, as he thrusts the flag back in to the hole before going to the seventeenth. Jack's tee shot is short and right of the Green. Mark's is left of the Green. Just before I tee off here, I say to Mark, "with tee shots like that, you'll both be throwing the flag back in to the bushes". "Nah" says Mark, "maybe my putter ( for those who haven't seen it, Mark has one of the long handled belly putters which made its debut at Haggs Castle in the Green Jacket ) But not the flag stick".

I tee off, it looks good and lands just short of the Green over the front left bunker. "Still virgin Green" exclaims Mark.Succinct, me thinks, very succinct ! We all get fours here and off we go down the last two holes.Tee shot at eighteen is yet again duffed. Second shot reaches the area where a good drive would be. Third shot is pulled short and left of the left hand mound. Take my five wood rescue club and cream my fourth onto the Green. Mark too, plays a good fourth shot onto the Green and we both have a chance of fives. However, true to the from of the round, Mark and I both card a six!

Into the clubhouse to record the score and off to the Nineteenth. Bill joins us on 38 and his score matches Jacks, but Bill has the better inward half.

All in all, not a bad day, good to be out and the excellent Nooners banter, to boot. The one crumb of comfort is that it is Lochgreen on Saturday. See you then, guys.

Nooner's News - 26th June 2010

                                                                           
                                                            Nooners News Saturday 26th June

Bill Gunn, having played two rounds over the Haggs Castle course, was still nowhere to be seen on the municipal courses at Troon. That makes it two Saturday's running now. He was last seen in the clubhouse at Haggs, watching a World Cup kick-about, featuring a team form south of the border. ( That reminds me,I was in my Building Society yesterday morning, as I type this, and the girl dealing with me apologised for the noise coming from the air conditioning unit. "Sorry" she said, "it makes a lot of noise and does nothing". " A bit like Wayne Rooney", I replied.)  Mark was otherwise engaged, so it was that Stuart, Jack and myself went out over the Lochgreen.

Not a great deal to report on from Saturday. The Greens here at Troon are improving, but the course was a bit of a slog today Had a 93, which equates to a nett 76. Stuart was the winner so we just retired to the Bunker for a beer and chips. Jack was off to Athens, from Heathrow,  first thing on Monday morning, for a couple of days sight seeing prior to boarding his cruise round the Med, to Barcelona. Trust that he managed to avoid the flak from riots in the city and the port of Piraeus.

We have two times this coming Saturday, 4th July, of 9:08 and 9:15. I am away for the next two Saturdays. See you again on Saturday 18th July. I understand that we may have Mr Ellis and Charlie back in the fold before then. Welcome back lads, we've missed you. If you aren't back, disregard. See you in a couple of weeks, guys.

Nooner's News - 18th June 2010

                                                                           
                                                   The Green Jacket 2010 Friday 18th June

The venue for this years tourney was Haggs Castle. The weather on the day was superb and the field comprised of eleven Nooners, namely :-  David Hay,Glyn Williams, Tam McGuire, Bill Collier aka The Dog Fiddler,  Mark Norman, Steven Aird, Bill Gunn, Ricky Webster, Gerry Bunton, Jim Webster and yours truly. Two four balls and a three ball were the order of the day, with Gerry, Jim and myself bringing up the rear in the last of the three groups.

The format for the morning round was a Stableford competition, with a Texas Scramble in the afternoon. Off we went and I managed to record a six at the par five first and two points. Over to the second, a delightful 171 yard par three, played off an elevated tee. Good seven iron tee shot here sees me safely on the Green, about fifteen feet beyond the pin. Then the dreaded going for the birdie and getting the bogey result yields a four and just a solitary point. My two partners, Gerry and Jim were playing fairly steadily and at the turn, we had amassed the following scores, Gerry 14, Jim 14 and 17 for me.The Greens were just like Axminster carpets. I remember when our home course Greens were like that, and it wasn't that long ago ! (Having said that, they are showing signs of improvement over the last fortnight.)

Onto the tenth, and I record a par four here and three more points. The eleven is a good, but tricky par three, on an elevated Green, on a hole called Plateau. (an appropriate name) Think somehow, we all come to grief here and my partners each gain one more point and are the only scorers here. Onto the eleventh, a hole named Stern Test. It is a 432 yard par four. Play a nice drive here and a good five iron second shot sees me about four feet onto the Green. A twenty five yard tricky putt following several contours goes to my delight, and Jim's amazement into the hole for a birdie three and four points. I find the closing five holes a bit of a struggle to score on, only gaining, on average a point at each, which gives me a total of 31 points.

Into the clubhouse to record the scores and lunch. A nice soup and a selection of sandwiches.The morning scores are recorded and the result is promulgated. David Hay was playing well throughout the morning round and his total of 39 points, ensured that he was the winner of The Green Jacket, 2010. David had another appointment in the evening which meant he only played the one round, so Mark duly called out the scores and Ricky, as the defending champion, presented David the Green Jacket, Cap and trophy. Well done David. We all look forward to next years tourney at Kilmarnock Barassie G.C.

Suitably fed and watered, off we go for the afternoon Texas Scramble. Our team, Gerry, Jim and I are five under after the first five holes and are five under at the turn. Out in 31.We are level par for the inward nine with 36 which gives us a 67, nett 60. However,we are ultimately in third place as the other two groups had nett56.4 and 57.4 respectively. But wait, I have the cards here and have scrutinised them. It stands out like a dogs b*llcks, that the other two cards were handed in, not signed. That should have meant automatic disqualification, and our threesome declared as the winners. Somehow it didn't and the scores, and the results still stood.

During the afternoon round, there was the customary nearest the pin, and the longest drive. Bill Gunn won the nearest the pin, on the par three 11th, Plateau. The longest drive was on the 18th. We were surprised that no long drive had been recorded as we approached the point were the marker was located. In the light rough on the left. Gerry's ball was about twenty yards short of the none-positioned marker. Jim and I had out driven Gerry, but alas both our balls had found, what the Americans term, the right hand trap. So, Gerry won the Longest Drive competition.

A good days golf was enjoyed by all. Thanks go to Ricky, for organising this years event. Our thanks to Haggs castle Golf Club for an excellent course and facilities in the Clubhouse. Congratulations, once again, to this years winner, David Hay and we look forward to next years Green Jacket at Kilmarnock Barassie.

Nooner's News - 5th June 2010

                                                                           
Wasn't able to make it for the golf today as I had a prior engagement to attend, but have cobbled up a brief report of the round on Wednesday evening 2nd June, over the Darley with Mark and Joe. There was something odd about Mark's appearance as we waited at the first tee. However, we all hit good tee shots at the first with my ball coming to rest beyond the mound on the left. A good second and safely on in three and I get the par. Over to the second and I hit a cracking tee shot here, which leaves me with a wedge, onto the Green. Play it sweetly and its pin high, six feet to the right. My uphill putt yields a birdie.

On to the third and that is where we are briefed my Mark on his "Saves messing about with it in the mornings," replies Mark. I am hitting some nice shots as we go round, but just ain't scoring, owing to the poor Greens.

This round of golf was memorable for three things. Marks tee shot at ten. It had to be seen to be believed. Mark hits it and boy, does it go left. I mean duck hook left!  We reckon that it probably came down to earth somewhere near the burn at the third! "You are just like a sniper, Mark, shooting all over the place", we say. Mark replies, "no, a snipers job is to hit things". "How do you know that you didn't with that shot" we reply.

Then at the thirteenth Green, we are bemoaning the very poor state of that Green and Mark invites us to rub this bald patch. I rub the bald patch on his head."Not that one" he states !

Then the third memorable thing of the night, Marks second shot at fourteen. His tee shot is nicely placed on the right hand side in the light rough. He creams his five wood sweetly, very sweetly and it finishes nicely on the Green. Two putts give him a deserved par here.

So the banter was excellent, the golf good and the Greens, well we all know about the Greens on the Darley and Lochgreen don't we? Was over in Arran yesterday and walked back into Brodick from Cladach and along the path by the golf course. Brodick's Greens are in excellent condition. Makes me ever wonder if ours ever will be again. One can but hope!

See you next Saturday guys and then it's the Green Jacket on the 18th.

Nooner's News - 22nd May 2010

Before I mention Saturdays golf, a brief word about the previous Wednesday, also over Darley. It saw me playing off my new handicap of 16 (15.5) thanks to our poor Greens, and playing the previous Saturday in the Jubilee. Mark and I managed to go round fairly well. A seven at the first and two over, saw me consolidate and reach the turn in 40, just four over, thanks to six pars and just two more dropped shots. Wheels came off a bit on the inward nine which saw me back in 48, a gross 88 and minus sixteen, which gave me a nett 72.But this is the game which bites !

So, on to Saturday and five of us are there for the three slots. Mark, Bill G, Iain, Jack and I. Mark decides, at the first tee to go for the balls in the air, rather than the draw of the cards. So he duly lobs five balls and they came back down to Earth with Jack's and my golf balls being the two closest, so it was Jack and I and the two ball went off first.

Play a reasonable opening tee shot, it is right and lying on the remnants of the drainage ditch, short of the mounds. Take a free drop and play a seven iron, which saw the ball come back down onto terra firma, just beyond the mounds. Where exactly it came down, still remains a mystery as I type these notes ! It was never seen again. Bitten ! Jack, meanwhile, is beyond the mounds on the left, near to the small plantation. His second is lying over to the left, about sixty yards short of the Green. Plays his pitching wedge over the bunker and onto the Green. The ball hits the pin about a third of the way up. "Good shot", I said. Then it was as if the  ball had suddenly spouted little arms which then wrapped themselves around the flag stick, because, the ball then slid down the flag stick and into the hole for a three. "even better" I added, as Jack was rightly pleased at his achievement. Three shots and four points after the first.

We then crossed the road and over to the second tee. Somewhere twixt tee and previous Green was my golf glove, having dropped out my back pocket! Managed to restore some pride into my game as I plugged away to get a score going. But the Greens certainly weren't helping. We got past a three ball at the third and then managed to get past a two ball at the fifth. Reached the turn in fourteen points.

Jack was also feeling the problems with the Greens as several well struck putts stopped agonisingly short. Don't know why we bother when the Greens are like this !

On we go to the eighteenth, where the Greens are again problematic. We both card sixes, when on any other day the would have been dead cert fives! Honest, they would !

Then, into the clubhouse to record scores (for those in the competition, which I wasn't) We waited ages for our three ball to come home. Jack and I had a bun and a drink, then saw the others. Mark had found my glove and somehow had passed it to Joe in the match behind his group. Joe kindly gave it back, the one good thing being that the glove was dry, Marked hadn't or didn't take the opportunity to have a pee in it ! Rosco certainly would have done!! Should be grateful for small mercies, I suppose.

Off then to the nineteenth where it was found that Jack had amassed the most points of the five of us and duly won the kitty. Well played, Jack. He certainly solved the problems of playing on those Greens by avoiding doing so, on the first, when he pitched in. As Punch would say, "that's the way to do it".
I'm off this week to look at the BBC television pictures of the RHS Chelsea Flower Show and admire their lawns, and thinking of our Greens and how things should be. No doubt I'll be back for more punishment on Saturday.

See you next week guys.

Nooner's News - 05th April 2010

Was up this morning at 6:30 and whilst getting ready for the golf, I knew that I had the little luxury of being the last one of the four ball to get my ass out of the bed. (Not the same bed, I hasten to add, but our own individual beds in Troon, Greenock, Glasgow and East Kilbride)Duly ready and having had an early breakfast it was off to the golf. The four of us arrived, as arranged the previous Saturday but, Bill left his arrival until the last minute. So it was then that we went to the first on Lochgreen for our 7:44 start.

But the four ball in front of us were late in doing so. One of their group was so late, that he joined them at the second tee, having driven round to it. As far as we were concerned, balls in the air and it's Mark and myself versus Bill and Jack. We were off at 7:55.

Off we go down the first and we win the first hole. At the second, Mark is on the practise ground. Jack is steady and he wins the second and the game is all square after two. The one good thing about such an early start is that the course is empty. On to the third, where we all hit good tee shots. My second is propelled down the fairway and is just beyond the second bunker. Then a dreaded shank propels my ball into the rough. For me, this hole yields a seven and it is halved in the main match.

Over to the fourth and this hole now sees me settle down to play some golf. Hit a delightful second shot into the Green and am about four feet away. A tricky birdie attempt, remains just that, and I have a tap in four. We start to hedge ahead in the Summer League, and I start to get ahead in the matches against Jack and Bill.

We are commenting amongst ourselves that it is a good day weather-wise and not a bad day for flying. We then recall the fact that Ricky is flying home today from his Spanish holiday. We wonder if he was coming home on either a scheduled flight, a charter flight or back home by Air Ambulance in a private jet! Such has been Ricky's proneness to accidents recently !

I get a five at the next hole and Mark and I are staring to dovetail nicely and we are edging ahead in the four ball game too.

At six, Mark is in the bushes with his tee shot. He plays three off the tee and that one is also in the bushes. He finds his first on a nice grassy bit of the planet and then plays his second shot into the bunker. He is eventually on in four and two putts for his six; yours truly gets a four, but is beaten by Bills three. On the adage that the best time to win a hole is when you have just lost one, our team do that at seven. Hit a nice tee shot and a reasonable second with my four wood. That leaves me a seven iron on to the Green which is at the front, with a thirty footer to the hole. That putt is four feet short, but I get the par and win the hole with my stroke.

I manage another par at eight and it's over the road to the ninth. Jack is put off at the tee, just as he is about to drive off, by a family who, have just flown into Prestiwck, caught a train to Troon station and are walking alongside the ninth tee, pulling a suit case and are moaning that they can't find their guest house. Should have got a taxi says Mark !

My tee shot here is in the bunker on the right. Come out nicely with my eight iron, whilst standing on the grass to the side of the bunker. A seven iron is played nicely on and it's about fifteen feet from the pin. Just miss the par, but get five. At the turn I am out in 46 and have fifteen points. Mark and I are up in the big match and I am ahead in both my singles. Make a bit of a mess of the eleventh, Bill gets the par, but I make amends at 12. Then mess up the thirteenth but we are still ahead in everything.

So, over to the fourteenth. Am nicely placed down the middle. Bill and Mark are over in the trees. Mark declares that he is going to hit a provisional. Bill declares that he is also going to play a provisional. The only reason that Mark played his provisional out of turn, with Bill, was due to the fact that Bill had the furthest to walk to his bag to get another ball. "Hasn't Mark played out of turn?", enquires Jack to me. "Yes he has", I reply, "I'll get him in my report though". As it is now Tuesday lunchtime, as I type this up, consider yourself slagged off Mark (but not too seriously though, as I need to apply via your good self, to play in the Green Jacket)

Jack walks up to the ball and plays it. Mark comes strutting over and takes great delight in saying to Jack, that "you have just played my ball".  Mark, then makes a mess of playing the ball, dropped from where Jack played. Mark, God bless his little cotton socks make a better mess of his next shot, when he plays it safely into the bunker ! However, Jack had the last laugh here, as he plays his ball safely onto the Green. One could almost hear Jack saying, in Punches voice, "that's the way to do it".

I get my par at fourteen and it is good enough to win the match over Lochgreen against Jack. Still ahead of Bill though and we are still up in the big match.

At fifteen, Mark plays one of his left to right, high launched tee shots, which finds a Green. He hit so far left, that as it comes round to the right, finishes safely on the third Green of the Fullarton course!  I get a four here, which is good enough to win the main match against Bill and Jack and also good enough to edge the win over Bill, on the Lochgreen.

The wheels come off a bit at sixteen, but am in for a Len Goodman. Play a poor tee shot at seventeen but my four wood is a good recovery shot and an eight iron sets me up with a par chance, which is just short, but get the five.

Onto eighteen and it yields me a par. I am back in the Clubhouse with a total of 94, which is a nett 79 and 31 points, which is good enough for me to win the kitty. Off to the nineteenth, where Sky Sports are showing the Man United versus Chelsea match. Buy the lads a drink and it's also good to be back into the chips and cheese. Bill, Jack and I get stuck in to bowls of Green Pea and Lentil soup. Well, it's only just turned one o'clock. Their soup is good.

Mark and I are both off on holiday at the end of the week. I am back again two weeks on Saturday. We both miss out on the luxury of playing the Lochgreen again this next Saturday as it's the Gordon Cunningham Rosebowl over the Darley.

I'm off now to get a bottle or two of Newcastle Brown Ale in order to celebrate Newcastle United's promotion into the Premier League. See you on the 23rd guys

Nooner's News - 27th March 2010

The last Saturday of the current Winter League sees Mark strutting around the club house, grinning like a Cheshire cat, knowing, full well, that he couldn't be caught. (A nice position that, I suppose, as one goes to the first tee) There was a grand total of nine of us arriving for the golf. Mark had got a three more guys to play, namely Peter, John (another one) and Brian. Jack was in fine fettle in the clubhouse. He was on about Ricky, asking if Ricky was a real person or just a "virtual Ricky". I know where Jack is coming from on that aspect. Talking of Ricky, and using the term "the Venerable Ricky", or should it be the vulnerable Ricky, well..................... Mark was saying that Ricky had decided to seal in the base of his new shower with mastic. Whilst cutting off the end of the mastic tube, Ricky apparently cut the thumb on his good hand. They say things come in threes, so that is Ricky's third injury to report upon. Seems like his brother Jim has taken him off to sunnier climes for a weeks golf. Just keep Ricky away from walls, ladders and knives on your travels this week, Jim.

We were very pleased to welcome back into the fold, Iain McKie from a long Winter hibernation. After wishing him a Happy New Year, too (Ricky got one in late January or early February) it was then time to "hit" him with the news that it's the Darley today. What a course to make a reappearance on after all this time. Anyway, good to have you back Iain. (Charlie, Dave E - Summer league starts next week. Lent ends !)

So onto the golf. Peter pulls the first three cards and its Peter, Bill and John McC. The second group consists of Iain, John and Jack, leaving Brian, Mark and myself in the final group.

Mark decides that the three of us will play a sort of scoring system which Big Al introduced him to. A devious system where one player has to win a hole, then the next hole in succession, before a point is scored. Other points are added if he wins a third hole and so on, but it ain't that easy a scoring system to gain points on.

So, our group go off to the first. Nothing spectacular here and we all score points. Over the road and more points at the second. Mark finds the far bank of the burn at the third and opts for the penalty drop. Proceeds to get a point.

On to the fifth and my tee shot is pulled to the left. Play a provisional, but find the first. It is in play behind a bush. Opt for the chip shot out, but am concerned about "doing a Ricky" and damaging hands on the bush (shrubs, Mr Wright) on the follow through. Inevitable happens, shy with the shot and instead of coming out, it's in the next bush down range. Penalty and propel the ball to the Green and take seven.

The sixth is kind. Nice tee shot here, followed by a nice four iron which leaves me with a seven iron for the Green. Play it sweetly and the result is that the ball is safely on, about five feet away, with an up-hill putt to boot. Miss the birdie but get the par. I'm in trouble at eight when I get a seven. But the devious scoring system hasn't yielded any points yet.

At nine, my tee shot is straight, but left of the Green and a lob wedge pitch over the bushes sees me safely on with a ten foot putt for the par. I get it and have a hole advantage over Mark and Brian. I have the honour at ten and I hit a nice shot off the tee, safely away and down the left. My two partners are in trouble with their tee shots and play three off the tee. Brian doesn't get his first ball, but Mark does, It's under a bush and the only option is a penalty, lift and drop. My second is nicely played with a six iron, safely on the Green in regulation. Two putt give me a second successive par and Mark declares that "Nigel has a point".

Tee shot at eleven is pulled into the shrubbery and its three off the tee. Mark spies my first ball in play, on the path. Who's a happy Teddy ? But the inevitable happens on the Green and the hole is halved, so I don't add a second point and it's back to the start regarding winning two holes, for us all. (Are you following that scoring system guys? Mark and Big Al are !)

At twelve, my tee shot is short and right. Brian is long and left and Mark is in the bunker. I play a canny eight iron shot which is right of the front bunker, follows the contours of the land and comes safely on, to about six feet. Brian chips on and Mark is faced with a tricky bunker shot. His only option is to kneel down at the side of the bunker and attempt to play out. So, he adopts a stance , which reduces his height somewhat and he is now in the Doc, Bashful, Grumpy, Dopey pose, about to play. Call him whatever of the Seven Dwarf names you like, but not Dopey, as Mark judges his bunker shot delightfully and is nicely on the Green, ten feet away.( Even Sevy would have been proud of that one) Brian is nicely on from his pitch shot. My right to left putt is finely judged and in it goes. Brian gets a par, as does Mark.

We are progressing nicely around the course and at fourteen, I am nicely down the middle, Mark is in he heather to the left. I play a nice seven iron and am safely on in two. Mark plays a superb shot which pitches just short of the Green, is about to scream through the Green but hits the flag stick and stops four feet beyond the hole. My birdie attempt races five feet past. My par putt is nicely judged and drops in. Mark too gets the par. The scoring system is such, that none of us is able to get any further ahead then one hole ahead from here on in. We are playing steady golf over the remaining holes and we are soon back in the clubhouse to record our scores, prior to going off to the Nineteenth. 

The two Johns, Peter and Brian have to shoot off, leaving Mark, Iain, Jack, Bill and I playing the Nineteenth. Jacks 30 is good enough to take the kitty, with yours truly scoring 29, Bill 27 and Mark declaring 24.

There followed a lively debate, whereby Mark and Iain both thought that in the Summer League, the Stableford winner gets cut, as in the Winter League. I said that wasn't the case and Bill declared that the scores are taken to decide the winner by Stableford, and to get the Summer average. So, Jack was slightly confused. "We play the club competition; the Head to Head Summer League; the four ball matchplay, or skins in a three ball; plus the Stableford. That's four competitions in one".  That's right, Jack, four in one. Jack went off to the bar to buy the drinks from his winnings, still bemused by it all. That's the Nooners for you.

Congratulations to Mark on winning the Winter League 2009/2010. It was a bit of a shame that Mr Reliable didn't turn up with the trophy to give to Mark. An even bigger shame, methinks, not to have had his name engraved on the aforementioned trophy, after he won it one year ago! Come on, we are the Nooners, not the R and A who have an engraver "on site"  to carry out such tasks. Mr Reliable has no excuse for not having had his name engraved on it by now. Hope that when Mark does eventually have the trophy come to him, that it has been polished ! There again Mr Reliable may not want to get his hands covered in silver polish; but he could always wear rubber gloves to do so. Or get somebody else to do it, but not Mark, because he should received it nicely polished and gleaming so that he can fill it up with alcohol, and we can all take a drink from a clean cup !

Next Saturday, we have two times. I booked 9:22 and John McC was able to get 7:44. So, next Saturday, it is just Bill, Mark, Jack and myself. So, we duly elected to go for that earlier time, just out of the shear devilishness of it. And also to beat the starter at his own game.

I'm off to Morrison's to get an Easter egg or two, so I'll see you next week guys for the early tee-off time.

Nooner's News - 20th March 2010

Saturday again and it's Lochgreen. Seven of us arrived for the golf today, namely Jack, John McL, Mark, Bill and myself. okay, that's only five but Mark had got two new recruits, Archie and another John. Ricky still being "au de combat, (avec le starter motor du ladder) Duly entered into the competition, it's the "draw of the cards". Mark, for a change is holding them and invited me to pull four.As it's a poor man who can't pull his own card out, out come the cards of Bill, Nigel Jack and John McL. Off to the first tee, balls in the air and it's John and I versus Jack and Bill.

My opening tee shot finds the left hand bunker, short of the mounds. Pitch out and propel the third to about sixty yards short of the Green. A nice little eight iron finds my fourth shot about five feet from the hole. A single putt yields the par, and it's up and down in two. At the second, my tee shot is again in a bunker and I take two to get out. Fourth shot is pulled short and left of the Green and a nice little pitch sees me safely on. Just as we are all on the Green and sorting our putts out, a ball comes onto the Green. I thought nothing of it until Jack says "You'll be writing about that I fancy". I thought nothing about it until it was discovered that Mark had been responsible for it. He had hit it onto the Green. So instead of slagging Mark off about it, and discretion being the better part of valour; besides I may want to play with Mark again another day: I am not going too. Besides, I still have this picture in my mind of Mark, rather sheepishly waving, one of those sort of apologetic waves, and I just could bring myself to it. A let off for Mark, methinks.

In My defence i would like to say i was 230 Yards from the green and my 5 wood only does about 200 yards :-) , I missed the eagle putt, However i did that same thing at the 3rd (but waited till the green was clear this time)

We all hit good tee shots at the third and my second is just short of the Green. Jack hits a lovely second and is safely on in two. He just misses the eagle, but gets the birdie. My birdie putt is the first of several which lip out, but the par is safely recorded. We are having a good four ball and by the time we get to the seventh tee, we are one down. I manage a par at the seventh and am slowly adding to the points total. We all hit reasonable tee shots at eight, three are slightly left and Jack is nicely placed, and is on in two. He gets the par and we are two down. At nine, Jack's second is pulled into the shrubbery at the left hand side of the Green. He finds his ball, gets a lift and drop under penalty and lays a nice chip on. He ultimately cards a six, but Bill gets the par and we are three down at the turn. Out in 48 and 15 points. We change captains and I bring us home. Must have had a superb effect on John, a huge load off his shoulders, as he creams his tee shot at the par three tenth, to about two and a half feet to the left of the pin. He gets the two and we pull one back. At eleven, John and I are both in the left, green side bunker in two. We are both out, mine too well and its about twenty feet past the pin, on the fringe with a good downhill putt to contend with. I get my five, but John gets his par and we are now just one down.

The match progresses steadily round from here to the sixteenth tee. I manage to get a par here and we are one down with two to play. Five consecutive halves and its a good match of nip and tuck. One thing we have noticed is that a strong breeze has now risen and we are going into it down sixteen and seventeen. My second shot at seventeen is to the right, I am just beyond the bunker with an awkward stance. Pitch on and I'm about fifteen feet from the hole in three. Jack, on the other hand, pushes his second to the right, of the Green. His pitch on for three sees him about eight feet from the pin. My par attempt just misses, and a five is carded. Jack holes his putt to win the hole and therefore the match for his team by two and one. Cracking game.

Down the last an my tee shot is in a divot. Propel the ball about ninety yards downrange and my third shot is in the light rough, just beyond the right fairway, winter Rule marker. A nice little chip and run with the trusty eight iron, sees my fourth about five feet beyond the pin, with a chance of the par. When I come to my putt, it is just right and yields me my par and my second up and down for the round. Playing some steady stuff on the inward nine and I'm back in 42, with just a mix of fours and fives on the card, six over on the back nine and 18 points to boot. My points tally is 33 and I have a gross 90, nett 75, not too bad.

Into the clubhouse to record the scores and then off to the Anchorage, a new nineteenth hole for us. Six of us go as "new" John had to leave early. Archie won the kitty with 37 points, but after buying the customary winners drink, he was somewhat reluctant to take the rest of his kitty. However, Mark persuaded him to do so, think it was Mark saying that "if it's left on the table, the next people at this table will claim it and have free drinks". So Archie took the rest of his pot.

I suppose that the first rule of the Nooners, is "don't be embarrassed to do anything in front of a fellow Nooner" If it's your kitty, take it. We might have taken many leaves out of Rosco's book and slagged each other off many times, Rosco more than others, but until Saturday 20th March, no Nooner had ever refused to take his kitty. First time for everything, I suppose.

Next Saturday is the last of this years Winter League and it's the Darley. We shall have to try and persuad Mr Relable to come and join us in the Anchorage and present the Winter League trophy to Mark. He is so far ahead, that we need snookers, either that or about 50 plus points. A very tall order !

See you next Saturday guys,

Nooner's News - 13th March 2010

Back with you again this week, and I have to report that for my opening gambit, Mr Birrell has yet again been seen in Morrison's, with a shopping basket in tow. It has been a fair old time since he was last out with us. So much so that we are beginning to wonder if he set as a New Years resolution, that he was giving up "the beautiful game", and is sticking  with it. As a carrot dangling on a stick in front of him, it's your favourite course this coming Saturday, namely Lochgreen, come and join us this Saturday, Charlie.

As a second opening gambit, I have to mention the Venerable Richard, or should that be the vulnerable Richard, aka Ricky. Not content with his mishap with "the wall", over Christmas/New Year,  he has, err crocked himself again. Transpires that he had seen a 20 % off everything at B and Q, so he bought himself a new loft ladder. A D.I.Y. job, Mark says. On installing the said loft ladder and trying it's opening closing mechanism, it got stuck in the down position. So, to get it moving, attacks the starter unit with a screwdriver. That solves it, but traps his hand in the ladder.Ouch ! Is that an excuse NOT to play Golf, or is Ricky just trying to qualify for an Equity Card, to enable him to get a part in "Casualty" or "Holby City".?

Anyway, on with the Golf. Mark and Bill have arranged to play a four ball tie, so Jack and myself go out as a two ball in the opening group. Jack is back after an operation and has been away five weeks. Good to have him back. (Come to think of it, it will be good to have Charlie back sometime, and Mr. Ellis) Off we go to the first on "Royal" Darley. I open up with a6 to Jack's 5 and off we go, down the second. Tee shot here is sent over the fence and into the forest, so it's three off the tee. This second ball is struck just five times before it finds it's way to the bottom of the hole, making it a "Len Goodman" sev-ven ! Jack plays this hole superbly and is on the Green in regulation and a fifteen foot putt, gives him a birdie three.On to the fourth and I never did find the ball after the tee shot. Just as well I wasn't in the competition !

My claim to fame as far as the front nine are concerned, is a par at the sixth. Tee shot is nicely down the right hand side of the fairway. A four iron just finds the light rough, further down range and a five iron is sweetly struck, which judges the down slope very well and ends up on the Green. I'm faced with a twenty footer, down the slope and up the hill. It's nicely struck, but is just short of the hole, but another putt and it's the par. Cracking tee shot at seven and my second is just short of the Green. Too vigorous with the putt on and it is fifteen feet past. Two putts on the Green yield a five. Get to the turn with just eleven points and Jack, steady as ever, has fourteen.

Manage to pull my game back on the inward nine, and Jack has a steady inward nine too. The thirteenth sees in safely down in five and two points. My tee shot at fourteen is hit down the left and is in the rough. Hack it out and my third is short of the Green. Knock the putt about two feet short of the hole and a little tap in trickles past but gives me a six and a point. Jack and I play the remaining four holes very well indeed. We both par the fifteenth. My tee shot is in the middle of the fairway and an eight iron second sees me on in regulation. A thirty foot putt is agonisingly short, but yields the four.. Jack and I both par the sixteenth. Jack is short and right and I am just short of the Green. Jack's pitch is played to perfection and just agonisingly misses but gets the three. My tricky cross ridge putt is just left of the hole and safely in for a matching par. We both get fives at the seventeen, with Jacks second, through the Green and me in the left hand bunker. Safely out and two putt. Jack pitches on and safely two putts also. On to the last. We both get pars, which means that we have both covered the closing four holes in just one over par. That gives me a Stableford score of 25 and Jack has 28.

Into the Clubhouse to await the fourball, who are two games behind us. Those who have  played with Mark in the past, may be very impressed with his little gadget which records the scores and gives him distances. It probably yields Latitude and Longitude, too, and may be Ordnance Survey Grid references to boot. But his mapping skills aren't in the same league. He suggests we go to MacIntyre's Bar, just opposite the Dog Fiddlers place of work and across from Morrison''s (which is one of Mr Birrell's haunts nowadays). Jack and I get in an the name above the door is MacKay's. Mark comes in and so too does Bill. Transpires that John and his playing partner went off to McIntyre's which is near to the Anchorage. Nice one, Mark!  When sorting out the scores for Bill and Mark it transpires that they were more engrossed with the match play situation, rather then their individual Stableford. So, Jack's 28 was good enough on the day to take the kitty.

It's Lochgreen next week and there is a rumour going around that if Ricky's hand doesn't look like a pound of pork sausages, he may be back with us. I'm off now to find some suitable body armour, which may just fend off any brick-bats which Ricky may propel in my direction !

See you next Saturday, guys.

Nooner's News - 27th Feb 2010

There is a saying which goes, "if you can keep a cool head whilst others around about you are loosing theirs, then you haven't been fully briefed on the current situation" . We on the Ayrshire coast can re-phrase that, "if you can remain clear of snow, whilst others around about you are knee deep in it, then your golf course will be clear to play on it. So it was today. Mark, Bill, Ricky and myself duly arrived to play golf. But, there was snow, "up North". Mark was stating that he had to clear a path from his back door to his garden shed, so that he could go out and get his golf clubs! His daughter enquired as to why he was even attempting to get his clubs with all that snow lying about. "It'll be clear in Troon" says Mark in response. Sure enough it was.

Ricky was making his first ever Nooners appearance of the 2010, so he was duly wished a Happy New Year by Bill and myself. Better late than never. So, off we go to the first on Royal Darley. Its the monthly Stableford competition and again it means the computing of scores with Nooners Winter League handicap against the actual handicap. Will leave that to sort out on return to the clubhouse. Balls in the air and it's Bill and Ricky against Mark and I.

We win the toss and elect to bat. We all hit good opening tee shots. Ricky being somewhat rusty, or crocked more like, tops his second and knocks his third further down range. I hit a good second and I pull my third to the light rough, just short of the first left hand bunker. An excellent sand wedge pitch on sees me about five feet from the pin and lo and behold a single putt gives me a par and our team are one up.

Over the road and it's like having ones own private course. No one behind and the group in front well clear. Bill and Ricky win the second and onto the third. I manage to get the par and Ricky, he of wall jumping fame, birdies to send his team one up. At four, Bill hits a lovely tee shot which ends up about three feet short of the hole.  Mark and I are left and short of the green. Mark has an excellent pitch on and I putt on. Ricky who was nicely on with his tee shot is about twenty feet away and just misses the birdie but the ball is about two and a half feet away. Ricky gets his three, as does Mark. My par putt lips and and it's in for a four. Bill, poor lad misses his birdie. Bill, poor lad misses his par. Bill poor lad, misses his bogey putt but gets the five. That's golf, as Ricky said, sometime last year.

We have now caught the three ball in front up, and we wait ages to tee off. It's always the same with a wait, the game goes to pot. Let me tell you about Ricky's tee shot at the fifth. He hits the ball and with its inevitable result, turns to me and says, "if you print that in your News this week, I'm sticking this club up your posterior". (Or something like that !) I say to him, "I'm not here next Saturday, so I AM printing it".

Up to and including Ricky's aforementioned tee shot at five, he had been playing a ball marked with the word "Noodle" on it. He tees off first and his ball takes the shortest, direct route into the trees, shrubbery, forest, jungle, woods, plantation, call it what you like, but Ricky is well and truly in it. My tee shot, by comparison is only marginally better, in so much as it hits the slender branch of the first twig like brush, is fired into the air and comes to rest in the valley, on the path just before the wooden boards at the up slope. I say to Ricky, "do you want me to look for yours when I'm down there" Only caught his second word, "off". We never did find Ricky's ball, so he can now claim to be off his noodle !

We are progressing well, round the course and the match is going either which way. They win, we half, we win. We get ahead, they draw level, it's a good match. At the ninth, I hit my rescue 5 wood off the tee, it arks, ominously right and Ricky takes great delight in declaring "that'll be in the bunker". Good judge is Ricky, 'cause it is. It ends up looking like a fried egg, so deep does it plug.  Had the ball been about three feet nearer the pin, I would have come out in one, as I take an enormous bucket full of sand to get the ball up and moving. As it's three feet further away, darned thing comes back into the sand. ! The ninth eventually yield me a six. Bill on the other hand, darned nearly fell into the bunker on the other side as he kindly steps in, or should that be toppled in, to retrieve Ricky's provisional.

I have 15 points at the turn and doing not too badly. Off we go down the tenth. Bill's second shot is pulled into the rough, about twenty feet to the left of the Green. He pitches out, it is well judged as the ball draws near to the pin. Very well judged indeed as it drops into the hole for a birdie three. Mark and I begin to fell that the gods may be against us today. However, my five at 11 is good enough the win the hole and draw level again.

At twelve, I hit a nice seven iron into the Green and am about three feet from the hole. Ricky, too, plays a nice shot and he looks to be nearer the pin. When we get to the Green, Ricky is about eight feet short of the pin. When it's Ricky's turn to Putt, he gets the birdie two. My birdie putt is hit just right, but it just lips the hole and stays out. My three isn't good enough and we are behind again.

At thirteen, Bills tee shot is way left. His provisional, on the other hand is way right. So way right that it clears the railway lines and presumably the Rail Freight trucks, standing on the siding. Ricky gets his six, nett five and my five, with a tricky right to left, drops in, hole halved. Mark and I are both in trouble at fourteen and Bill and Ricky get another hole. After fifteen they are dormie three up.

On to sixteen, Ricky is in one of the two bunkers on the left of the Green. Bill and I are short of the Green, but in front of it. Mark is short and right. Mark plays a beautiful pitch and is about two feet from the hole. Bills ball, is nearer then mine, but I have to wait whilst Ricky chips back on to the Green, from somewhere near where Mark played, from. "Well out, Ricky !"

I putt first, up the hill and the darned thing goes in for a birdie two. Bills' is just short but gets the four. Mark gets his three, and  Ricky gets the five, to make it two, three, four, five. One back and now dormie two.

At seventeen Mark and I are both unable to match Bill's par and it's game, set and match to Bill and Ricky, 2 & 1.

Over the road and down the last. I get a six, Bill gets his second birdie, and Mark and Ricky both add points to their scores here. Over to the clubhouse and record the scores. Its Bill 25, Mark 26, Ricky 28 and yours truly 31. So yours truly managed to get a little win today. It was certainly a case of making sure that the winning (as far as the Nooners is concerned) card goes into the card box and not to eat it ! It duly didgo into the card box. Then off to the nineteenth where Mark is nearly to be found crying into his orange and lemonade.  "Nigel wins the kitty, buys me a drink, and I don't get to cut him as he scores under 33 points". One could hear Ricky thinking, "that's golf" as he says nowt. Well, he does, "mines a pint of lager" he declares.

So there we have it, the end of the fifth month of the Winter League. The only way to get at Mark, is possibly to keep him at home for the month of March. Can't see that happening somehow. So on the adage of no quarter given, no quarter asked for, we are into the final month. At the end of the month, Mr Reliable will get a visitor to reclaim the Winter League trophy, unless he himself, would like to come along to the South Beach Hotel at about 2:00 p.m. to present the trophy to the winner.

See you in a fortnight, guys,

Nooner's News - 6th Feb 2010

First Saturday of a new months and Mark, Bill G and myself duly arrive for the golf. Ricky is still under the weather. James is still recovering from his knee operation. Charlie is very conspicuous by his continued absence, although he does make appearances in Morrison's supermarket, Troon ! No sign of Mr Ellis these days either. The numbers are crumbling, but wait, Mark has got us two new recruits. Namely John McClarty and Jack McVey. Welcome to the Nooners, gents, you are most welcome.

So, we have five cards in the draw. First time all year that we have had more than three. Come to think of it, it's the first time this decade ! We pull out two cards to go first. That should read, John pulls two cards to go in the first group. Bill G and John McClarty. It true Nooners tradition, "it's a poor man who can't pull his own card". First time that's happened all year too ! That leaves Jack, Mark and myself.

Off we go to the first on Lochgreen in the monthly medal, so, play it from the fairway with preferred lies. (Assuming one is on the fairway to start with!) Manage a six at the first and one point. A good tee shot at two sees me on the fairway, just beyond the bunkers. Should have taken a preferred lie here, but don't and my ball, nestling in an aeriated hole is topped about twenty yards down range. Third shot is short of the Green, pitch on and two putts gives me a six and two more points.

AT three, Mark is over to the left in the rough and Jack is nicely in the middle. I am just in the rough and get an eight iron onto the fairway. Mark progresses and Jack is just short in two. He knocks his third long and is just off the back of the Green. He eventually lines up his, hits it and it circumnavigates the Green, hits the pin and drops into the hole for the birdie four. I get six and Mark seven.

Over the road and three pars are recorded in our group at the fourth. At five, I am just short in two, come on and get my five. We have a bit of a wait at the sixth tee and Bill spots a good looking ball, just over the fence, by the wall on the railway side. "You'll get it with your ball retrieve" he declares. John say, "if you don't I'll pick up on Monday night, when we come through on track maintenance". Transpires that John works for Network Rail. (John, couldn't reach it, it's yours if you remember to pick it up.)

At six, my tee shot is short of the Green, come on and it's not struck hard enough and rolls back towards me. Come on for three and two putt for the five. At seven, our two ball manage get waved through by the three ball and we duly wait our turn. Mark hits a brilliant tee shot, but it's left and long. Clears all the shrubbery on the left, which protects the fifth Green and is in the light rough, about thirty yards long, or short of the fifth Green. Depends where one is looking from, I suppose. Mark comes onto the correct fairway in two. I am on in regulation and get the par.

On to eight and Jack and Mark are both left, on the fourth fairway. I am just short in two, knock my third way past the hole, just miss the four and get the five.

We plough our way round the course and come to the fourteenth. My tee shot is pulled to the left and goes into the forest. I find it behind a tree, but I have  a shot out, through two branches. Play it out very nicely indeed; straight between the two branches, which I had allowed for. What I didn't bargain on, was a wayward branch sticking out from the next tree, down range, which grabbed my ball and dropped it into a pile of leaves. No option now, but to come out sideways, which I do. Am on for four and two putts yield the six !.

At fifteen, am halfway to the Green, pitch on and my par attempt is just to the right of the hole and I get the four. I's now onto teh last three. We all hit good tee shots at sixteen and I play my second first. Am just beyond the orange post. Jack and Mark are both just short in two. I come on and am about fifteen feet from the hole. Mark is about eight feet away in three and Jack, about four away, in three. Yours truly putts first and the ball drops in for a birdie. Mark gets his birdie and just when it's odd on the Jack will get the easiest birdie of three, it goes past the hole to the left and he gets his five.

At seventeen, Jack is nicely on in regulation, Marks is short left and facing a Nitby, third shot. I am left, beyond the bunker and I knock the third onto the Green. Mark gets his Nitby and plays four, coming out of the aforementioned bunker. It's such a good shot, that he is unlucky to miss out on the sandy ferret, but gets his five, as I do. Jack gets the par, so it's off to the last.

Nothing toward to report at eighteen and it's into the clubhouse to record the scores. Mark gets 34 points, Jack and John both get 33 and Bill 32. Your truly getting 28.

So off to try a new 19th hole for us and we go to the South Beach. Jack had to get home, so the four of us played the nineteenth. A nice beer on, in the bar was Raven Ale. I have it on good authority, that they are soon to have London Pride. I'll drink to that. So, for the third week running, Mark wins the kitty and he is cut two strokes, once again. But the big bandit won't have to worry about two stroke cuts for the rest of the Winter League, for he is now in the One Cut Stroke, category, as he is now off 9.

I look forward to hearing what Ricky has to say to that. Hope he doesn't chuckle too much and hurts his ribs laughing at Mark's self inflicted surgery. I'm away the next two Saturdays' and back on the 26th for a crack (sorry Ricky) over the Darley.

See you in three weeks guys.

Nooner's News - 30th Jan 2010

Mark's On Fire

We awoke this morning to a heavy overnight frost. But, we were on the correct Greens. The Winter Greens weren't set out, and as it was Darley, a bit of a bonus. Hard ground with plenty of run and as it wasn't the monthly medal, observation of the fairway protection rule was in force. So, off we went, the same threesome as last week, Mark, Bill G and myself.

I called this Nooners News. It could easily have been titled "Mark's on Fire". Yes Mark (the Bandit) Norman was well and truly on form. We all hit reasonable opening tee shots. Mark placed his second shot at the back of the Green and two putted for a birdie four. Over the road and onto the second, where Mark hit a reasonable tee shot but a lovely second onto the Green to finish about three feet from the pin. The result of such a good second was his second consecutive birdie. Mark, on leaving the second Green to walk to the third tee, had actually played seven shots and scored eight points. That is 7 strokes, 8 points. It's obvious to a basic mathematician that it is more than 1 point for every stroke played so far. As I said, Mark's on Fire.

The other interesting point to note is that the course was exceedingly quiet ! We followed a three ball who were moving steadily ahead of us and it was all clear behind for at least two holes most of the way round. The hard conditions giving us good distance with our tee shots. Mark with two birdies behind him was in the money - 40p so far. Bill and I both managed birdie threes at the third and that reduced Mark's stake to 20p, and that is where the birdies finished.

At the turn, Mark was ahead in points. Bill was in trouble at the eleventh and we were all adding points to our tally here and there.

At thirteen, I decided with the run of the ball to play safe. So my three iron was used for my tee shot here. The ball ending up, more or less where the driver would have done in normal conditions. About thirty yards short of the Burn. I decided to use the three iron again for my second shot. A well struck shot which was aiming for the Green. When we got there, no sign of it. The ever observant Bill found it under a bush through the Green. A penalty drop, and chip on for a four led to three putts on the hardened Green !

Onward to the fifteenth where my tee shot was over to the right, just in the rough. A nice little eight iron with a Members Bounce saw my ball hit the up slope and come to rest about a couple of feet short of the Green. Safely in for a five. Then over the road and onto the last. Mark playing very steadily indeed, had amassed 32 points after seventeen. He very astutely took seven here to stay on 32 and win the kitty without a cut. Astute, very astute !

Into the clubhouse to record the scores and then off to the Nineteenth hole. Grim news to report here, in that out favoured Nineteenth hole for the last three or so years, was duly closing the next day.  A bowl of Chicken and Rice soup, superbly produced by Angie, was very welcome as were the two pints of London Pride, at just £2 a pint. One of which came from Mark's "kitty".

So, there it is for another week lads. Golf just won't be the same again without the Ardneil Hotel as our 19th hole. It holds happy memories for us, over the last three years or so. But they say that all good things must come to an end. I understand that an auction of the fittings is being held in the Ardneil on Tuesday 9th February, in the afternoon. Says so in this weeks Ayrshire Post. So, get down there quick Mark and place a bid for the wide screen T.V. if it isn't too late !

See you again on Saturday guys.

Nooner's News - 23rd Jan 2010

With the excellent news that the courses re-opened on Monday, it was good to be back out again playing the game. Having said that, Saturday dawned Foggy ! It would have been just our rotten bad luck to find the course closed, due fog. But it wasn't it was OPEN !

Ricky had telephoned me on Friday evening to say that he was "au de combat" due to a mishap with a three foot high wall, abounded by snow and ice. He said if he wasn't around by 9:15, he had succumbed to his severe injuries. He must have succumbed as he wasn't around for the start.

So it was then, that Mark, Bill G and I turned up for the first of the two slots. If any of the other Nooners turned up, we didn't see them due to the fog. It was as thick as that !

Off we went to the first tee on Lochgreen for the Monthly Medal. Visibility was down to about 150 yards. I was thinking what my next door neighbour had said to me on the Practise Putting Green. "We think we'll tee off five minutes after the guys in front. What happens if they are looking for a ball, out of sight, and we hit one of them?" "We'll know they are still in range", quipped one of his partners. True, very true !

We teed off, with Bill using a lime green ball, Mark an orange ball, and me staying with a conventional white ball. We could follow the flight of the ball until we saw where it was coming back to land. Then we'd walk up and look for them. Worked a treat, we found our tee shots. Mark and I opened with fives to Bills' seven.

Same at two. We followed our balls and walked up to them and then onto the third. Bill pulled his tee shot left, we saw it, but Bill elected to play a provisional, just in case. Just as well, sadly as we just couldn't find his original. At three, playing my third shot with the Green obscured, I hit the ball to what I thought was the target, only to be told by Mark "that's you to the left of the Green". Fortunately, I avoided the left side bunker, chipped on and got my six.

Over we went to Four and we all fared pretty well here too. Then onto the fifth tee and we could see about fifty yards further as the fog started to lift. By the time we were at out balls, waiting to play our seconds, the fog had gone ! Visibility restored. Mark creamed his second shot, through the Green and was about five feet beyond the Green to the left. Bill was just short and yours truly, safely on in three. Marked lined up and hit his putt. Bill and I were standing next too each other, watching Marks' putt. I said" looks like he' hit it too hard and he' putting across and off the Green. If he's done that, that it's going into Nooners News". Well, Mark did, just that. So it IS IN, Nooners News ! Mark, having not lost his turn, darn nearly got the next putt in, the ball being four inches from the hole for the five !

At six, played my rescue five wood and creamed the ball onto the Green, two putts saw me get the three. At seven, Mark and I both took sixes to Bills' par five. I managed to reach the turn in 47 with 16 points. Mark, playing steady stuff had played 45 and had 19 points.

The eleventh was the first of two consecutive temporary Greens. Bill and I just missed birdies, but Mark got his three. At twelve, we walked off with fives. Managed a bogey at the thirteenth, having been on in regulation, and leaving an awkward little right to left. Never did allow for it ! Costly !

Onward we went to the par three, fifteenth and Mark creamed his five wood onto the Green. I played my four wood onto the Green and Bill was short and left. Bill chipped on and two putted for the four. Mark, somehow three putted and then, despite praising his little orange ball, changed it for a white one.

At sixteen, we all hit good tee shots. I played my second and was in the gulley, but on terra firma. Mark was in the bunker. He played out in three, chipped on for four and got his six. "Shouldn't have changed balls" said Bill ! My third was just on giving me a consecutive par.

At seventeen, I was over by the fence marking the G.U.R and had a drop. Played a delightful four iron, which just stayed slightly left and into the left side bunker. Out with the next shot and just missed the par, giving me a five. Mark was on in two and his thirty foot putt yielded him his second birdie and another four points.

Onto the eighteenth and I got a seven to both Bill and Marks' pars. Back in, in 44 and another 16 points. Mark had been playing steady golf and was home in 39 and twenty points, giving him a grand total of 39 points for the day. I had amassed 32 and Bill two dozen.

Into the clubhouse to record the scores and then onto the 19th for a very welcoming bowl of Leek and Creamy Potato soup and a refreshing drink. An even better refreshing drink followed, courtesy of Mark winning the kitty with 39 points and getting a two stroke cut, within the Nooners. He'll soon be down to Bills' level ! It will be interesting to see the results this week, to find out if Mark won the Monthly Medal, he was playing that well.

So, there you have it. Good to be back out again and the banter, as usual, was excellent. James has been recovering from a knee operation and should be back with us soon. Ricky may well be with us next week and Lee, depending on his shifts. So, its back to the former ski slopes of Royal Darley next week and we may even need our two booked times, if we can remember what they are !

See you next Saturday, guys.

Nooner's News - 9th Jan 2010

Amongst the presents in my stocking, the one that is hung up on the bed post for Santa to fill, and not for wearing, especially by me, were a box of golf balls and a box of Thornton's toffees. Owing to the current spell of finding six inches plus, of "partly cloudy" scattered everywhere in and around Troon, I have to report that the box of aforementioned golf balls is still, very much, intact, but the box of toffee is half gone ! It is a bit grim that we haven't been out four at least four Saturdays now, the last one being Saturday 12 December.

So, during this current Wintry spell of weather, the golf has been forced out. I have noticed people have been out with sledges on parts of both the Darley and Lochgreen, where there are good slopes to sledge down. I say, well done to them, getting some form of enjoyment from the golf course. There was even a photograph in this weeks Ayrshire Post, of two lads having an impromptu bit of ice hockey on one of the ice covered fairways at the Dalmilling course. At least some folks are out on the golf course, enjoying themselves. With all these frozen lochs, lakes and puddles, it's not as if we can all get out and do a bit of underwater basket weaving, is it ?  

Meanwhile, I have been out and about taking several photographs down on Troon beach and around and about the area, and the golf course, especially around the twelfth tee on the Lochgreen course. I hereby enclose some of my photographs taken around the vicinity of the twelfth tee on Lochgreen. The only downside to me actually getting these photographs, captured on my camera for posterity, is that one can be the innocent victim of somebody else's camera work. I was "got" and my wife has added a caption to her photograph of me trudging back through the snow to the car. She said I bet you won't send that off to the Nooner's web page. So, just to take her up on her bet, I have enclosed her photograph. It is up to Mark to append it to this "newsletter".

My wife and I decided to have a breakfast in Morrison's this morning, where we met Robin, doing the same. There is a lot to be said for a Morrison's All Day Breakfast. In the meantime, one will just have to keep watching the Weather Forecasts on television to find out when, exactly, a thaw is likely to arrive and we can get out golfing again. When the thaw does come, news of its' arrival will not be foretold by "Heather the Weather" as she has left the B.B.C. for pastures new. At least Ricky will get a bit of sunshine before we do, from his forthcoming holiday.

So, like the rest of you, I look forward to the Saturday when we all get back out golfing again. See you all again in the not too distant future, I hope.
Nigel

Nooner's News - 12th Dec 2009

On Thursday, Ricky, his brother Jim and myself had an enjoyable round over the Lochgreen, in excellent conditions. There was just one drawback to that round and that is Jim had to pay the full hack to play even though we were off forward tees, with all of them being on the fairway.

However, it was a complete contrast on Saturday to find a heavy overnight ground frost and -3 degrees, with the aforementioned forward tees, plus the whole course being on Winter Greens, something of a lottery. Five of us arrived to do battle, Mark, Ricky, Lee, Bill G and myself. A pull of the cards saw the first group of Ricky, Bill and myself go out. We followed a four ball, then it was Mark and Lee. Ricky had the excellent idea of Mark and Lee playing their tee shots from the second to the sixth, with the three of us watching the flight of the ball in the low Sun.

Off we go down the first and an opening seven sees me get no points at the first. Over to the second tee, and as we await the four ball in front playing their seconds, we are waved through. Bang goes Ricky's creditable plan. My tee shot here is to the right and just short of the bunker. Play a second further down range and then a third, which finishes about six feet from the pin with an uphill shot to the hole. The icy conditions are kind enough to yield a birdie here for me and four points. Nay bad, four after two holes !

Not a lot to report except that at the fifth we all hit nice tee shots into the low Sun. Ricky and Bill are on the fairway and mine to the left. Goodness knows where it actually came to rest as the little white sphere came back to "solid" ground on the big green sphere, but it was well and truly lost. Three nice tee shots at six see Bill and Ricky getting three's and me, four !

Over to the seventh and relief from the low Sun, it now being behind us. All the time we were getting ahead of the four ball and Mark and Lee still stuck behind them. We were plugging away in the icy conditions, with us recording points in the mid teens by the turn.

Off we go down the eleventh and as we near the Green, just about to tee off at the fourteenth were Charlie and Mr Ellis. They ain't been seen out with us for ages now. Charlie more often then not, being seen somewhere in one of the isles in our local Morrison's'.

At thirteen, we all hit good tee shots and struggle to get points. When we get to the fourteenth tee, we are two holes clear of the four ball and Mark and Lee are coming down the eleventh. I say to Jim that to relieve our boredom, I'm going to wind Mark up as he comes past. "I'd just like to take this opportunity to wish you a Merry Christmas Mark, as you aren't here next Saturday", I say to him as he passes us. "What do you mean" he asks, adding "I'll see you in the clubhouse when I finish". "No you won't, you're two holes behind and we'll be gone before you get it".

Disaster awaits me here at the fourteenth, when I pull my four wood tee shot into the trees on the left. It too, like my ball at five, is never to be seen again. A case of "I know where I left them, I just couldn't find them".

Round the rest of the holes we go, getting a few more points. After eighteen it was Bill 32, Ricky 24 and me 25. As we were packing the golf gear away, Mark and Lee were finishing their round, having got past the four ball in the loop. Nice work guys.

Over to the Ardneil were Ricky and I decide to have a cup of coffee first to try and warm ourselves up. It had the desired effect. Mark had scored 35 points and Lee, 21. So, well done to Mark on getting another cut for the year. It was a case here, at the Ardneil of wishing Mark a Merry Christmas, as he will not be with us next Saturday - an office Christmas party beckons for him.

As usual, the camaraderie was good and the banter excellent. For the last Saturday before Christmas, we are going to be on Darley with its' three double bed sized temporary tees. Can't wait to get at them next week and try and tame the second of the three, at the ninth. I'll buy my playing partners a Christmas drink next week if I get a par or better here, next Saturday. I dare say that Ricky won't be holding his breathe here, but we'll see what happens. Come to think of, I'll buy my playing partners a Christmas drink if I get a par at any of the three holes with temporary tees. Now there's an incentive for you to turn up, Ricky.

See you next week, guys.

Nooner's News - 5th Dec 2009

Just four of us arrived for the golf on Saturday. Mark, Ricky, Bill G and myself. Mark informed us that James has had an operation and will be missing for a few Saturdays. Here's hoping that you are soon back with us, James.

Off we go to the first on Darley in the December medal. Balls in the air and it is Mark and myself against Ricky and Bill. My firs golf for about four Saturday and I am rarin' to go. My opening tee shot is just short of the mound on the left. Second is woefully topped and it is lying halfway up the mound. Take a seven iron to it and its' nicely down the fairway, to the right. My fourth shot is sweetly struck with a five iron and I am just to the left of the Green. Two putt for a respectable six.

Over the road and off to the second, which is the first of several tees that are a good bit forward. Ricky doesn't notice the forward tee and has to be persuaded to come and join us and play off the correct tee ! The second sees us on a temporary Green owing to a bit of vandalism on the actual Green. The temporary Green sees the flag placed in a tricky position. Another six, but three points in total and not too bad. The third is again forward and I take my four wood and am just short of the Green. Get the four and two more points. My playing partners are playing some steady stuff too and we are all adding points.

Nothing untoward at four which yields a nice birdie for Bill from about twenty feet. Over to the fifth and the first evidence of a major cash spend by South Ayrshire Council. What appears to be a contraption the size of a double bed, about nine inches in height, is lying across the tee. It is well and truly anchored into the tee, but alas the tee markers are well and truly behind it. Smart foot work from Mark takes care of that ! It transpires that the bally thing is a temporary tee, well engineered to cater for left and right handed golfers alike. No problems getting the tee shots away here. My second to lay up is pushed just short of the bushes on the left. I pitch out for three and play a nice eight iron in and two putt. Ricky is in trouble here, playing his second shot into the trees beyond the old Green. He is sitting pretty, as they say, and he comes out from there in two.

Off to six and I play a reasonable tee shot and propel the red dotted Titanium 3 further down range with a well hit 3 iron. On the Green in three and a fifteen footer earns me a birdie. Think the matchplay situation at the seventh is that we are all square.

Nothing untoward occurs at seven and eight and at the ninth we find another one of those temporary tees, which is the second of three we will come across ! I am in trouble of this bally contraption and elect to play three off the tee. Mark gets his tee shot away very smartish and says that there is nothing wrong with this type of tee, nothing wrong at all.

What goes a round comes around, as Marks' tee shot at ten is way over to the right and, as I type, his ball still hasn't been found ! This hole gives me another par. At eleven I find my second shot is in the right hand bunker. Come out nicely and two putt for a five, which isn't as good as Bills four to go one up to Ricky and Bill.

Twelve sees us half the hole thanks to Marks' par. Thirteen leads to some interesting golf. There is some work taking place by the path, on the Green side of the burn. It is protected by fencing and the are contains  several Poratacabins. Mark informs us that is is Out of Bounds and No Entry as far as retrieving golf balls are concerned. (Out of bounds here, meaning the aforementioned No Entry.) If one sees ones ball and can identify it, a ball may be dropped. If not, one has to go back and play another shot from where the second was played. One of those situations to protect the work force, but just like its counterpart on motorways, the workers get the weekend off !

Bill is in this are, so is Ricky, but Mark is just by the fence and claims relief. The other two manage to get there balls out by some clever manipulating and are back in play. Today, I avoided this trouble, but on another day............

Off we go down the fourteenth and Ricky and I are nicely placed, from yet another forward tee, on the right hand side of the fairway. I play a five iron in and am just short of the Green with uphill putts. Mark come to grief here, but he his nicely on the bank, Green side of the Burn. He chips out an is on in three. Mark gets down for a five and so too, do I. Now two down in the match.

The fifteenth sees Mark and I go dormie three down, and we are looking to be in trouble.

At the sixteenth, Bills tee shot is a balls' width from dropping into the first left side bunker. It balances there long enough for us to all get to the Green and Bill to play a tricky second onto the Green. My tee shot is in the bunker, Bills ball avoids. I come out nicely and have a long putt for the par which just stays out. Mark gets the three and we are dormie two down.

At seventeen ,Mark and I are nicely placed and a sweetly struck five iron by me is safely on the Green within birdie range. Bill and Ricky are in trouble. I just miss a tricky short right to left birdie putt but get the par to be one down with one to play.

Over to the last hole and off we go. Mark is in trouble in the light rough on the left. I propel another nice three iron shot down range and then play a nice little eight iron on to the Green. Bill is also on in three. My third is about twenty five feet from the hole. My long birdie attempt just trickle past the hole and I get the five. Bill too, pars the hole and the match is won, one up by Bill and Ricky, who both played steady golf. Bill getting 41 points, Ricky, despite a three stroke cut last week, gets 38 points and yours truly 33.

Mark had played some steady golf indeed and it was the first time I've played the game with a playing partner playing "World War Two Golf" - out in 39, back in 45.

Yet again the banter was good, the camaraderie excellent and off to the nineteenth my way of the "scorers tent". At long last, Mark was presented with his trophy for winning the Summer League. Well played, Mark, on that one.

It's back to the Lochgreen this Saturday and I just wonder how many of those "fixed bedstead" temporary tees we'll find out there. If one can't take a joke then one shouldn't have joined. At least I will find out the answer to that before Saturday, as I am joining Ricky and Jim W over the Lochgreen on Thursday.

See you again on Saturday guys, when we have three tee times booked.

.

Nooner's News - 28th Nov 2009

The day dawned bright and dry, but my thoughts of playing golf were surpassed by the events taking place here in Troon to mark the end of the Homecoming 2009. Taking place on Saturday were various events in the Walker Halls relating to WW II. In particular displays by the Home Guard, Royal Army Medical Corps, No 4 Commando and outside some rather interesting Army vehicles. A quick lunch at home prior to going up to Glasgow, by train for the St.Andrews day concert at the Royal Concert Hall with Phil and Ally. (Phil Cunningham and Ally Bain) On my way to Troon station, I passed Lee making his way home.

Early Sunday afternoon, saw me back in Troon town centre for the parade and the flypast, which was a display of aerobatics by a Chipmunk, Yak 52 and SE5A aircraft. Lily the Pink was also down watching the events and we both commented how cold it was. I have to confess that I went round to Morrison's for a cup of hot chocolate to try and warm myself up. It worked a treat.

So, I'll be back again on Saturday for a bash around the "Royal Darley". See you next week guys.

Nooner's News - 14th Nov 2009

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Reflections of past years

Looking back over the years I can’t remember the last time a Nooners Quorum was not on the course, unless the course was closed we always was present. Over the years I remember DP (god rest his sole) Rossco & myself would have been found on a number of occasions clearing the snow away to have a putt, even the time when everyone cleared the snow side to side except Rossco, who just dragged his putter head towards the hole leaving a direct route to a single putt that even Stevie Wonder couldn’t miss. Taking on board Ricky’s comments a few weeks ago about being the 3rd man in a summer league semi final, we had booked 3 tee times, one for the Final & leaving the normal 2 tee times for the rest of the Nooners, Myself and Roberto met Lee checking in on our way to the tee, I said to lee that With Bill G & myself booking tee times this week you should be ok getting in getting a game, Bill should be around and at least this will give you a two ball. After my round as I was putting my clubs away Lee pulls up in Robin’s Car, Lee informed me that he hang around the starters box till 09:40 and no other Nooners had turned up, to which his dad took him for a around on Barassie.

Sorry Lee if we had known this we would have taken you out on the summer League Final tee time, it seems that now days the Nooners have become Fair weather golfers.

Summer League Final went ahead with the weather not too bad, it’s started raining on the 5th Hole but by the 7th Tee it had blown over.  There was never more the one hole difference in the game till the 15th where mark managed to get ahead by two holes, On the 16th Tee Roberto was having visions of the Semi final where on both occasions one player was 2 up and 3 to play & both times ending in a half. the 16th was half and Roberto was still in fighting mood on the 17th , Robert who hit a nice drive down the middle and his second just making onto the front left side of the green in two, Mark seemed to be hacking his way around at this point (pondering on Roberto’s comments about halving the match) with a wayward drive and the 2nd shot short sitting the wrong side of the greenside bunker, mark the hit a sand wedge over the bunker into the green which stopped dead to a matter of inches from the hole to seal the par, Roberto was left with around a 25 foot putt to keep the game alive, unfortunately this was asking too much and not wanting to be short knocked it 7 feet passed, Mark made the putt the close the games out 3 & 1.

As Head Nooner will not be down next week and also not attending the Smokers Night the presentation of the cup will be done on the 28th (hangover trophy day)

See you all next week

Mark

Nooner's News - 7th Nov 2009

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Down at the Clubhouse half an hour before our first tee time to find Robin enjoying breakfast with his son in the Bunker.
Mark arrived and so too did Ricky, leaving just the three of us to go out today. Thought we had a possible four ball when the Dog Fiddler arrived, but again he was only down to see to the computer and to say that he was off to work ! As I know form the famous television series "All Creatures Great and Small" animals do get sick at the weekends !

So off we go, Ricky, Mark and myself, down the first on the Darley, which today is the November Medal round. We all hit good opening tee shots. I am in the rough short of the bunker on the right. Play a four iron out, duff the third and am nicely placed in four, on the Green. Just miss the five but get a six, which isn't bad for the opening hole.

Nothing untoward at the seocnd and onto the third. Ricky's tee shot is long and heading towrds the shrubbery and he plays aprovisional. Mark and I are aslo nicley over the Burn. I come on in tow and two putt for the four.

At the fourth, I hit a nice eight iron off the tee and the ball pitches just two feet from the pin and rolls about twenty feet further on. Why didn't it plug ? A longish putt which trickles by and I get the four, as we all do here. On to five and we all hit reasonable drives. Ricky is just short in two. My four iron approach somehow misses the bunker on the right, rolls just past the bunker and I have a little pitch onto the Green. Marks' second here comes to rest under the big tree short of the Green. It is playable, somehow. Marks hacks out and eventually joins Ricky and I on the Green. My pitch comes up short of the hole, but a have an eight footer for the par, which just misses and the five is safely recorded. Ricky get his par here.

Going down the sixth, we have now caught up the three ball in front and we follow them home. My tee shot here is on the left of the fairway and I play my four wood second shot, which skims along the ground, looks like for all the world it is going for the left hand bunker, further down range, but just like the previous "miss of the bunker", this one does too, much to Mark's amazement. On in three and three putt for the six !

At seven, I am over to the right and play a provisional. Find both but this hole yields a seven. At eigh, my tee shot is down the left, hit a seven iron out and what looks to be a reasonable pitch onto teh Green ssees the ball dragged into the left side bunker. Somehow, I'm out in one and get the putt in for the five, not a bad up and down, even if I say it myself. (Ricky and Mark might think it, but don't say it)

At nine, my rescue five wood is brought out and it delivers. Just short of the Green. A second two putts on a par three, again yield a four. I am out in 45, steady I suppose.

At the tenth, Mark hits a cracker of a drive which is surely bound to finish up well onto the fourteenth fairway. It does! Ricky and I are nicely placed on the correct fairway. Ricky plays first, followed by myself and then Mark. I say to Ricky that "surley with Marks' angle of approach to the Green, it was his turn to play first". As usual Ricky ignores my comment.

At eleven, Marks' big drive sees him well over to the left, in the shrubbery and he reloads. For the last few holes, the walking rule book, reminds us continually of the order of play from the tee. "Your six, beats Marks seven, you loose the honour to me, but tee off second and Mark last". I win the eleventh and have the honour at twelve.

At twelve, Mark's tee shot at this, the third par three, is way over to the left and well and truly in the shrubbery, This is where the N/R is achieved, as far as Mark is concerned. "Well done" one can see Ricky thinking !. My tee shot is left, the pitch on, goes across the Green and a putt sees the ball close to the hole and third four, at a par three is recorded for the round. Ricky gets the four also.

Onto the thirteenth and Ricky tees his ball up, on the tee. Mark takes great delight in kicking the ball of the tee and saying "it's still Nigel's honour !" Ricky, like Mr. Valuev, takes it on the chin ! (Oh, well done David Hay, or should that be Haye)

At fourteenth and Ricky climbs aboard the yellow bin box to try and see if it is safe to tee off here, yet! I say to Ricky, put your arms out to your sides. Ricky duly does so and I say to Mark, "How good is that for an imitation of the Angel of the North"? Mark replies that Ricky is no Angel ! "Off" was all we hear Ricky say.

When we tee off, Mark is nicley down the middle and is delightfully on, in two. I lay up and my third shot is through the Green. Pitch on and a tricky downhiller is short. My fifth shot just misses and I get a six. Mark gets his par four here.

Onto the fifteenth and not a great deal changes here. On to the sixteenth and Ricky's tee shot is on the Green, Mark and I are short. Ricky comes across as an unhappy teddy bear, as we leave the tee for the Green. Muttering about racial abuse of a Scotsman in his home country by two Englishmen. I remind one and all that I am a Geordie and Ricky is only marginally happier by that information. Onward to the Green. I pitch on, and just miss a tricky right to left downhill putt. The tap in gives me my fourth four on the par threes for the round.

We go up to the seventeenth tee and have to wait whilst a golfer crosses well over on to our fairway to play his approach shot to the second. Looks like Bill G we say. There is a very good reason for that. It Is, Bill G, playing with the Dog Fiddler, in a two ball. Pleasantries are exchanged as we pass on the adjacent fairways. I am just short in two and come on and get the four.

Over we go to eighteen and I manage to get a par five to finish on. Mark, somehow gets the nine as he says he went out of bounds. So that was it, end of the round and into the clubhouse to record the scores. Back in, in 47 making a total of 92 and a nett 77. Mark had the last laugh on the day as Ricky achieved 33 points with some very steady golf, and Mark cut him two shots. Mark and I both got 28. Over to the nineteenth where Ricky duly won the kitty and Mark got twenty pence for a birdie three at seventeen.

We have three times next Saturday and rumour has it that it the final of the Summer League, over the Lochgreen between Mark and Robert. All the best on that, guys. This last Saturday also saw the match between Newcastle United an Peterborough United in a stadium which Geordies everywhere will still call St. James Park, which Newcastle won 3-1.

See you next Saturday, guys.

Nooner's News - 31st Oct 2009

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There was a good turn out for the golf over Lochgreen on Saturday. Not too sure if Halloween had something to do with it ! Robert and James were out to do battle again in the Summer League Semi final. More about that later, but we do have a result !  There were also Mark, Tam, Lee, Ricky, Bill G, and myself. The first apparition to appear on this Halloween was Alan. Turns out he only came to do two things, firstly to buy a bag of golf balls and secondly to tell us all a corny joke. He declined to play with us.  Then the Dog Fiddler comes in. Transpires that he is only here to see to the computer for the Boys, and thus declines to play over the Lochgreen. Then, fresh from breakfast in the Bunker comes Robin. Just when one thought it was safe to draw the cards and go to the first tee, Mr Wright pitches up, but only for a chat. ( Alan, Bill C, Robin and Mr. Reliable, now there is an interesting four ball) 

So, on to the serious business of the golf, and there are nine cards in the draw. Off to do battle in the replay Semi Final of the Summer League go James and Robert, with Ricky making up the three ball. Next out is Tam, Bill and Robin, leaving Lee, Mark and me in the final group.  A nice sunny morning, with a bit of cloud and after the rain of the previous few days, the course is playing long.

The club competition being a Stableford means that the scoring takes into consideration the playing handicap and the Winter League handicap for those who have been cut. It also gives those who ain't been cut a bit of extra work to do in finalising the scores  of the cards they mark !
 
Nothing too spectacular from our three ball, plugging away and getting the points gathered in. At the third tee, the fish are again jumping in the landing area for the tee shots. Mark finds that his ball has come to rest, safely on the fairway having done a "Barnes Wallace" in the water. Mine, also, is sunk without trace ! A bit of an Air Sea Rescue job here methinks, but due to a lack of a Royal Navy Sea King helicopter, I elect to drop a ball adjacent to the puddle. Mark's approach shot at the third is too well struck and he plays a provisional. As we cross over the road, Bill comes back to meet us, from the fourth tee to hand Mark his ball back, which came to rest adjacent to the fourth tee!
 
Over the road ourselves and off down the fourth, fifth and sixth. Still plugging away and adding points slowly as the course is playing long. However, there is a big development at eight. I hit a nice ball down the middle and am followed by Lee who creams his tee shot down the middle, way past my shot. As we approach the Green, Lee is on the first cut. I come on, as does Mark, eventually !, and Lee lines up his putt, a chance of an eagle. The ball is on line and is coming nicely towards the hole, but a smidgen fast, hits the back of the hole and lips out to finish about six inches from the hole and a nice little tap in birdie, which Lee gets. A shame about the missed eagle.

On we go and we finish the round and log our scores into the computer, before going off to play the nineteenth. A result has been achieved in the semi final. It has again finished all square, so James and Robert agree to decide upon the outcome on the toss of a coin. Don't know who called what, but the result is that Robert is the victor and plays Mark in the Final. Commiseration to James. That is the second time in recent weeks Robert has won a match on the toss of a coin. Will it be third time lucky in the final? I have to clarify here that Mark and Robert mutually agreed their tie be decided on the toss of a coin and James and Robert agreed their result after two tied matches. So, there we have it, the Summer League final will be between Mark and Robert.

At the nineteenth, Tam was the overall winner with 36, with Ricky on 34 and James on 32. Lee notched up 30 points and the rest of us were in the 20's, not too bad considering the conditions. It's "Royal" Darley on Saturday and that day also sees Newcastle United at home to Peterborough United. A fixture I said that I was looking forward to. Some of us who are getting a bit long in the tooth can remember seeing Derek Dougan playing for Peterborough. (1963-1965 making 77 appearances and scoring 38 goals before moving on to Leicester City and later, Wolverhampton Wanderers) 

I'm off now to consider the form to see who the likely winner of the match will be, but losing away to Scunthorpe and just winning at home against Doncaster, I ain't making any predictions on the outcome, especially when I look back at last night's match at Sheffield United. "How way the lads".

See you next Saturday, guys

Nooner's News - 10th Oct 2009

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A little bit of unsavoury news to start off with, sadly. Saturday 10th, Mark and Ricky both book times, for the 17th. Mark arrives just minutes after Ricky to find that the computer is down. Mark leaves his name and season ticket number and is assured that we will get a second time if we are down before the visitors. Well, six of us arrive to play golf. Ricky, Tam, Lee, Charlie, James and myself. We are duly told by "her who must be obeyed" that you have only one tee time. I say that as far as I know, Mark left his season ticket number and name to be applied when the system was back up and running. "Well, four people have booked times from Belleisle". So, where is Mark's time, I ask. "You only have one time" replied her who must be obeyed. The six of us were discussing what we would do, when James and Charlie both announce that they have things that they can do, so, off they go. It was no consolation to discover after the completion of our round, that there were times available and we could have been slotted in. It is an attitude like that, that would leave me applying to join a private club and not face the hassle.

I know that the municipal courses are there for everyone, but with two clubs, well established in years and playing in Scottish Golf Union competitions, then I personally believe that we as both season ticket holders and therefore club members, and ratepayers too, should have priority tee times from opening time until at least 10:30, to allow club members out in the competitions. No fun either, following those off yellow tees and the group behind you, also off yellow tees.

So, then off to the first tee on Lochgreen and it's balls in the air and the pairings are Tam and Lee against Ricky and myself. Something just clicks into play with my golf today and I have a good round. We manage to get the win at the first hole and it's level after two. I start off with a pair of fives and have five points going to the third tee. I add a further point after three where I record a seven. I par the fourth and get another point after five, to be sitting on a total of 10 points going to the sixth tee.

At six, I find the Green with my 5 wood rescue club, the one that more often then not, comes good at par three's. This hole was no exception. I am about twenty feet past the pin and am faced with a putt, which if hit just a little too strong will surely go past the hole and off the Green. What happens? Hit too strong and of the Green, much to Ricky's great delight. Judge the third to perfection and am left with a little two footer for a bogey, which is sunk!. Ricky, the new Mr. Reliable, gets the par and we are three up after six, and I have 12 points.

Lee is in trouble off the tee at seven, but recovers well. I get the five here and three more points but Tam gets the hole for his team. I also get two more fives at eight and nine and I have reached the turn in 46 and 18 points.

My tee shot at 10 is pulled left with a five iron, a pitch onto the Green leaves me with an awkward right to left putt which, to Tam's great annoyance goes in for the three. He is in jovial mood walking to the twelfth, and is comparing my putting to a jar of Robertson's Preserve. (not marmalade, I hasten to add)

Ricky is commenting that Tam is the only player at twelve to be on the correct fairway, whilst Lee, Ricky and myself are over on the fourteenth, or near to is as to be in the vicinity of it. I am just short in two and pitch on for three. Tam's second is in the first of the left hand bunkers. He plays a delightful bunker shot and is very unlucky not to bag a golden ferret, when he comes to rest about nine inches above the hole. A good tap in and down in two from the sand. Ricky gets a long putt in for his five, my slightly shorter length attempt for the four misses, and I too get a five here. A six at the thirteenth sees me have five points for the first three holes coming back.

Ricky and I having been three up at one points, see Lee and Tam whittle away at our lead and we are becoming pegged back. I have seven points for the first five holes back. Ricky announces at the fifteenth tee that he is not to proud to play his driver at the par three. I had already elected to do that before he states his intention. Ricky's tee shot is short, mine is over to the left of the Green. A pitch on sees me get the three and three more points. After sixteen, Ricky and I have indeed been brought back to all square in the match, and we realise that we haven't won a hole since the seventh !

At seventeen, I hit a nice tee shot and my six iron approach shot finds the bunker on the right. Somehow, I get the ball out and am faced with an eighteen foot, slightly right to left putt. A nicely struck shot sees the ball going nicely towards the hole where it lips out and finishes a balls role towards me. It would have been an audacious par, but I'll settle for a five and two more points under the circumstances. The seventeenth is halved and the match is all square going down the last.

At the tee, Ricky says I hope we don't now loose the match, the way the game has gone. Tam pulls his tee shot slightly left and finds it, just playable to the left of the bushes, short of the mound. I am fairly well placed and get a four iron to my ball, in the light rough, just short of the bunker. It is nicely placed onto the fairway. Tam's second shot comes out nicely and he is about a hundred yards from the Green. Tam knocks his third on and is about twenty five feet beyond the pin. For my third shot, I play a little six iron in and I am pin high to the right, just on.

Two putts from both Tam, Ricky and myself all yield fives and the match is halved. Possibly a fair result for all four of us. I am back in 43 and another 18 points to give me 36 for the day.

It was good to have Lee with us again and he now is getting a reasonable record going, having now played two, lost one and drawn one. He just might be a useful player to have as a partner next time. My score of 36 was good enough to beat Tam in the competition by one point. I now find myself cut two strokes and am now off 13 next time out and, like the others who have won in just three Saturday's, won't get it back until April. If one can't take a joke, one shouldn't have joined !

Off now to scrutinise who is likely to succeed Gareth Southgate as Middlesbrough manager. It wouldn't surprise me to see a former player come back into the fold.

See you next Saturday guys, when I'll surely struggle to ascertain points off a thirteen handicap !

Nooner's News - 10th Oct 2009

About twenty minutes before our first tee time, nine of us were at the clubhouse including the blast from the past Robin. Any of the "nice to see you back with us again" comments were quickly dashed when Robin said "this is my son, Lee, he's joining you today, I'm not". So that made it eight. Much to Charlies' annoyance, there was some puckelling going on, so that Mark and I could play our semi final of the Summer League. We had to do it that way, Charlie, otherwise Mark and I could just wait until November to play our semi final, honest !

So Mark and I pulled our card from the eight and two cards were drawn, Ricky and Lee. Over to the first tee on Darley, the groupings were decided for the four ball when Lee paired himself with me, leaving us to challenge Mark and Ricky. We warmly welcomed Lee to the Nooners and off we went. Now there is something about a newbie joining a group and so it was with Lee, who had been given a 23 handicap. Let me just say here, that under those circumstances, it is always good to get the first hole under ones belt and away out on the course, so it was with Lee. Having said that, we have all had that opening hole syndrome !

On with the semi final. Mark wins the opening hole with a five to my six. Over the road and onto the second, and we reverse the scores and are level after two. We both play good tee shots at three and finish with pars to halve the the hole. At four, Mark is safely on and I am over to the left, with a pitch out of the shrubbery. I only manage to get the ball to the top of the mound and a good pitch on for three, sees me five feet beyond the pin. Mark somehow three putts and I hole out for the four and we are level after four holes.Whilst all this is going on, one shouldn't lose track of the four ball match, suffice to say that Ricky birdied the third hole and we remain down after four in the four ball.

At five, my tee shot is in bandit territory, so it's three off the tee for me here. Mark, who has somewhere along the line has had the audacity to have his handicap move up to 16, gets his only stroke here. He gets the six, to my seven to go one up in the semi. At the par five sixth, my tee shot is hooked and it's three off the tee for me again here. The end result is that after six holes, Mark is now two up. There is a similar story of whoa at the seventh, when  I find my tee shot in the rough on the right, chip it forward and then out in three. My fourth is on the Green and two putts give me a six to Mark's 4 and Mark is now three up in the semi.

On to the eighth and my tee shot is again hooked out of sight to the left. Three off the tee and I'm safely on the practise ground. The one consolation here is Mark is also playing three of the tee. Err... my seven is good enough the pull one back on Mark, who has trouble coming out of the front right bunker. I'm now two down after eight.

Have to confess that I play a good tee shot with my, now not so new 5 wood rescue club and the result is that the tee shot is nicely on the Green. Two puts give me another par and I close the gap on Mark to just one down. At the tenth hole, my four is one better than Marks' five and the semi final is now all square.

At the eleventh Mark gets his nose back in front, but I manage to pull him back to level at the twelfth. On to the thirteenth and I play a reasonable tee shot, which sees my about sixty yards short of the Burn. Mark creams his tee shot and is about twenty five yards short of the Burn. His second with a five wood leaves him in trouble, across Burn but nestling in the bank. He is out for three and plays his fourth onto the Green. My second shot is nicely down towards the Green and my third shot is just short of the Green. Mark is now on the Green in four and two putts for the six. I am on in four, and faced with a tricky little right to left putt, which just misses for the win and we halve the hole.  So onto the fourteenth.

I don't make a good connection with the tee shot and am faced with laying up short of the Burn with my second. Mark, meanwhile is nicely place to the right of the fairway. He sees me laying up in two and promptly creams his second onto the Green. I play a six iron in and get down for a five, to Marks four. Mark is now one up again. On to the fifteenth.My tee shot is nicely beyond the bunker on the left of the fairway, Mark is further left, but short of the bunker. He hits an all too sweet shot, and his ball falls off the back of the Green. My second comes to rest in the valley of sin and a pitch shot leaves me nicely on the Green in four. Mark finds his ball under a bush and takes a drop. A bit of an awkward fourth shot leaves him short and he pitches on for a five. My six here is good enough to win the hole: it is good enough to bring the semi final too all square and it is also good enough to bring howls of venomous complaints from Ricky about a hole being won in matchplay with a six on a par four. Mark and I both say to Ricky that we don't really mind how a hole is won or lost 'cos we are in the semi final and you are not.

So there we are, all square again after fifteen holes, with three to play. Mark is over to the right at the par three sixteenth, I am short and knock an eight iron about fifteen feet past the pin. Mark pitches on for two and we both two putt for fours and another half.

Off we go to the seventeenth tee. My tee shot is in the rough, short of the bunker on the left. Mark's is as usual, creamed straight down the middle. Lee, being a former professional goalkeeper, hits his tee shot straight out, a bit like the goalkeeper who, having the ball at his feet, elects to play it, in to touch so that the trainer can come on. Lee reloads and does the same again. We remark to Lee, that in this game, one doesn't  play the ball out ! The next odd figure after three, sees Lee safely on the fairway playing that amount of shots off the tee. Meanwhile, I pitch out of the rough and am about fifty yards short of the Green. Mark is over to the left and comes on in three. My third shot with my eight iron is judged just fine and I finish up to the right of the pin, leaving me with about a six foot, slightly uphill putt for my par. I just miss it, but Mark gets his four and Mark is one up with one to play.

Over to the eighteenth. Mark is down the middle, I am to the right and about thirty yards short in the light rough. My second with a four iron leaves me about eight or so yards from the Green. Mark is short of the bunker on the right, about eighty yard from the Green. Mark is on in three, but only just. My fourth shot comes up short of the Green by the bunker on the left. Knock the putt about six feet past and am safely in for the six. Mark is short with his birdie attempt and has about an eight footer for par, which really doesn't matter as from that range, he has two for it. One is good enough and Mark wins our semi final two up.All in all, an excellent match. Mark is in the final and awaits the winner of the other semi final which is between James and Robert.

In all fairness to my playing partner, Lee, here I should mention the state of play in the four ball match. That has been going along a pace and after a shaky start, Lee has been playing some excellent golf throughout the round , which has at time been good enough to put us ahead in the main match. But Ricky, the tricky Ricky of a golfer that he is, has also been contributing to the cause and the result of the main match was that Mark and Ricky won by two and one.

So there we have it, over to the nineteenth to find a plethora of birdies. Those of us that didn't get one, only had a ten pence piece change out of a pound, to show for it. We have welcomed Lee into our fold. It was good to have him with us and we (Ricky, Mark and myself) found out by the fourteenth tee, that he is a better putter than his old man. He has been introduced to banter and camaraderie of the Nooners. Not only can we (the Nooners) slag off his old man, but we can also slag off Lee. Mind you, we (the Nooners) can now be slagged off by father and son once again, just like we were with Big Al and Little Al.

We will be without Mark this Saturday as he is off to Sheffield to see Spandau Ballet. He quietly admitted that he is going there as the result of receiving tickets from his recent big birthday. Rumour has it Charlie will be with us again on Saturday as it is Lochgreen.

So, that is it for another week. See you again on Saturday guys.

Nooner's News - 12th Sep 2009

            A glorious sunny morning as I arrive for the golf. We were fortunate to get a second time to go along with the 9:22, as eight of us arrived. Out in the first group at 9:10 were James, Airdy, Ricky and myself. Ricky and I both had to play James in the Summer League, so the pairings were obvious, Ricky and I versus James and Steven.
I had already lost in the S.L over Lochgreen to James and somehow, had to get a win over James this time around, if I was to try and progress in this years tourney. Also, Ricky and I elected to play against Steven.

Our team won the toss and elected to bat. Somehow, I managed to get a five at the opening hole. Ricky was getting a good look at the first from both sides and started off by staying two shots within double figures. My five wasn't good enough against James opening birdie. One down in the head to head and also in the fourball.
Over the road and James is in trouble off the tee, Plays a provisional and finds his first in the hay, knocks it out and eventually cards a six. My five is good enough to get me back to level with James, and we half the hole in the main match.

Ricky and I both get fours at the third and we are one up. Ricky tees off first at Four and is over to the left. I too am left of the Green. Ricky chips on and I do likewise but have a thirty foot putt to save par. I get the four and Ricky the three. There is a lengthy wait at five and eventually we play our tee shots, I am lying nicely to the right and elect to play safe. My five wood is sliced into the foliage on the right and my provisional ball also ends up in the same forestation. End of the card as far as the stroke play is concerned, Just as well I wasn't in the competition. Lose the hole to both James and Steven. The sixth sees me play a reasonable tee shot to the right and a five iron out of the heather leaves me nicely placed to try and propel a four wood shot, Green wards ! It works, my ball finishing just to the left of the Green and I am putting. In fact, both Ricky and I record par fives here and we are keeping ahead in the fourball.

It is a different story at the par four seventh, when Ricky and I are both in trouble to the right of the fairway, both playing three of the tee. Ricky finds his ball, I don't find mine! So over to where the provisional is lying. A nice five iron into the Green and I finish up just beyond and left of the Green. Both Ricky and I card sevens here and we have the inevitable loss of hole, all round. Eight is a strange hoe for me. It was the hole where I came to grief six weeks ago, and it got me again this time round. Second shot finishes in the right hand bunker. A delightful Sand Iron out, rolls across the Green and into the other bunker. Out of the frying pan, into the fire ! Ricky advises me to "come out of the bunker before other golfers assume that I am actually carrying out maintenance work in the bunker". A good decision, Ricky. One of your better golfing tips. After the ninth, I am down to both James and Steven. 2 down, I think with James and one down with Steven. We are holding our own in the fourball.

Somehow at ten, I am on in three and three putt to James five and I am further behind James, eventually being four down to James after eleven. Not looking good as far as my comments about getting a win over James was concerned. But, I was determined to plough on and try for the result. My tee shot at the par three twelfth was short and left. A delightful lob wedge and I am three feet from the hole and knock in the putt for the par, and I have one hole back on James.

At the thirteenth tee, Ricky and are are getting our ears bashed by James and Steven. We say something along the lines of eggs and chickens, and the chickens not being equal to the total number of eggs !. Ricky and I both get fives here and another hole is ours. I am coming back at Steven and am now just two down to James.

The 14th, the par four known as "The Burn". James and I are over to the right. I play my four wood and it is safely in the aforementioned burn. James, now elects to lay up, as does Steven. I drop a ball behind the point where my ball crossed over the burn. James and Steven are safely on in three, Ricky is just short in three and my third shot is that of the penalty of the dropped ball. My fourth shot is nicely on the Green and I have a fifteen foot putt, slightly uphill, which somehow, manages to go straight into the hole. The result here being that we all card fives and a half in the fourball.

At fifteen, my tee shot just clears the shrubbery and has an uphill lie to the right of the fairway. Play my four wood and somehow it is creamed nicely to finish up, pin high to the left of the Green just by the little mound. James is nicely placed to the top of the fairway, leaving him a wedge onto the Green. A sweetly struck shot, which Ricky and I both think is looking a dead cert to finish on the Green is, in fact, too big and is lost in the bundoo, behind the Green. A provisional from James is nicely on but yields James a six. I get the par and we are now All Square, in the fourball. I am now one down to James and two up on Steven.

At sixteen, I am nicely placed to the left of the Green, clear of the bunkers, Ricky is short of the Green, Steven through the Green, halfway towards the fence and James in the left bunker. James plays a nice bunker shot, but is some distance from the pin. Steven's pitch somehow catches the long grass short of the Green and comes to rest, leaving him a tricky downhill for his par. Ricky comes on and is just short of the pin and gets the three. My putt onto the Green sees me four feet from the pin, and I knock it in for the par.

The match situation is as follows ;- I have beaten Steven 3 and 2.  James and I are All Square with two holes to play  The main match sees Ricky and I go one up with two to play. Not only have we come back strongly at this point, but Ricky and I just happen to recall, that not all the previously mentioned eggs, yielded chickens !

Off to the seventeenth. Ricky plays his tee shot and is concerned that it's near to the bunker on the left. My tee shots is near to it, but short.James tee shot is way over to the right and he reloads. Steven's is topped and he finds it halfway between the tee and the bunker. I am short of the bunker. I play a five iron to finish just short and left of the Green. James is to the left of the left side bunker and is faced with what Alan (he now of Barrasie fame) Payne would say is a Nitby. James achieves it. (Alan would have had a wry smile at that. He usually does when one is faced with a Nitby and gets it !)  Ricky and I both get fives here and it is good enough to win the fourball by 2 and 1. Owing to James hard luck escapades here, I go one up on him/

So, over the road to play the eighteenth. Steven offers an Olive Branch, or should that be crumbs of comfort, by suggesting we play for a pound on the Bye. Ricky, after a bit of persuasion, accepts the challenge. My tee shot is to the right. Ricky's is on the right of the fairway, five yards back from me. Steven and James have massive drives. My match with James is now potentially looking like the half. I play a five iron out of the light rough and am about thirty yards through the mounds. James is about one hundred yards from the Green in two and Steven's is pulled to the left, finishing in the light rough between the first and eighteenth. James plays his third, somehow he pushes it out of bounds and reloads. He is now playing five onto the Green. I elect to hit a five iron in and it finishes on the first cut, just to the left of the Green. Steven is nicely on for three. Ricky and I both miss birdies and finish on five. James cards a seven and somehow, I have won our match, two up being the result. So, James and I both managed a win each over both courses.

Despite a no return, I had a good inward half of 41, which was quite pleasing. I finished on 33 points and Ricky had 34. Depending on what scores Mark has down, I may well have gained a further four points this afternoon. Time will tell on that one.

We only have one more Saturday in the Summer League as the 26th sees us playing the the second David Powell memorial competition. As usual the banter and camaraderie were just as it is with the Nooners.

See you again next Saturday lads for a bash over the Lochgreen.

Nooner's News - 8th Aug 2009

On Friday 7th August, my wife and I were at Ayr Flower Show. Who was also at the show and heading for the Punch and Judy show, none other than Alan Payne. He was there with his wife and two grand children. What a good excuse to get to see a Punch and Judy show when one is in their seventies... take the grand children along.

"That's the way to do it", Alan.

And so to the golf on the Saturday. Tam, Mark and I arrived and off we went over the Lochgreen at 9:08. Just being the three of us, Mark duly elected to play skins. Tam must have thought that Mark's idea was akin to taking candy off a baby. There was only ever going to be one winner !

I suppose that we were playing steady stuff with Tam winning a skin at just about every hole to the turn, but not all of them ! At the sixth, Tam and I both halved with three's. My rescue club coming to the good, here, and two putting for my par. At eighth and down wind. Tam's tee shot is over to the right in the light rough just beyond the Green, I am very nicely placed about ten yards short of the Green. Mark is actually on the Green about fifteen feet past the hole. He just missed the eagle but gets the birdie, thus winning a valued skin. I get my four, Tam records a five.

Tam is playing steadily and has cleared Mark and I out of sight by the 11th Green. That was it for the skins, game set and match to Tam. There was nothing else much to report about the game. We all kept plugging away and Tam took the kitty with 36 points, Mark had 30 and yours truly 26.

So oevr to the nineteenth hole. Just when we thought we were getting away with the usual payouts, kitty and birdies, along comes Bala to seek up to date payments for his holiday fund, aka, the Lottery money. Having not seen him since the Green Jacket day, he left huge holes in our wallets !

So that's it for another week. I am off to lift the odd carpet here and there and look down the sides of chairs and the settee for any loose cash which may be lurking. As the new suite has been in situ now for five months, I don't hold out much hope of finding any. There is always the thought that just one good shot on "Royal" Darley on Saturday, just might lead to a birdie. At least Newcastle United got the draw with West Brom, so I won't have to hear Adrian Chiles comments about the home win. But I do agree with his comments about Newcastle's away strip. Whoever dreamt that colour scheme up ?

See you on Saturday guys.

Nooner's News - 1st Aug 2009

Four of us arrived on Saturday for the golf, Mark, Tam, Bill Gunn and myself. Off to the first tee on Darley for the monthly medal. Balls in the air and its Mark and Bill versus Tam and myself. Tam and I lose the toss and Mark elects "to bat".

My opening tee shot is just beyond the mounds, nicely placed to the right of centre. Four wood second shot was in the first cut, about eighty yards from the Green. Knock an eight iron to about six feet, just miss the birdie and am safely in for a par. Thanks to Tam's first birdie, we are one up.

Tee shot at second is in the bunker on the right. Come out with an eight iron and then play the eight iron again, and I am just at the back of the Green. Two putts sees me in for the five, and the hole is  halved. My tee shot at the third is nicely placed and I am over to the left of the Green, just beyond Bill's tee shot. Bill pitches on and is about four feet from the hole. I knock a little seven iron to about a foot from the pin and tap in for my first birdie and the three. Bill too, gets his birdie and Tam and I are still one up. I hit a nice tee shot at the par three fourth and am just short of the bunker with an awkward right to left over the mound. Just miss the two and my four foot putt stays out, in for a four. Playing some steady stuff, 5,5,3,4. Over to the fifth and I am first to play the second shot. Elect to lay up and with a nice pitch on with my eight iron, I am about three feet to the left of the pin. Miss the four but tap in for a five. Then onto the par 5 fifth. Bill is over to the right and his second shot ends up in the bunker on the left, right under the lip, leaving him no option but to play out in the direction which he came in from. I am nicely placed in two and my third shot is in the first cut, about pin high. Pitch on a tap in for the five. Playing very nicely indeed, thank you very much. 5,5,3,4,5,5 for the first six holes.

Then at the seventh, we are back into the breeze. We all hit good tee shots and I am nicely on the first cut, to the left hand side of the fairway. Cream a lovely four iron shot, which stays low and ends up on the Green about eight feet from the pin. I knock the putt in for my second birdie of the round. After seven holes, I am sitting on thirty shots, 5,5,3,4,5,5,3 and I have got nineteen points.

But I have said before that golf is the game which can bite and it does bite and it usually bites when one is least expecting it. My tee shot at eight is over to the right, just beyond the heather. Play it out onto the fairway.. I then top my five iron second shot and its on the left, just short of the hollow for three. Shank the fourth into the heather on the right. Come out and pitch onto the Green. Now lying six. I two putt for the eight. At nine, with my rescue club in hand, the one that is usually so reliable, sees my left foot slip at impact and it is straight into the bushes. Play a provisional ball and that too goes the same way. Bitten again, ouch !

Bill is in good hunting mood. Finds my first ball and I elect to go back to the tee. I am now playing three off the tee and Mark sees in go into the "Sahara" on the right of the Green. Get it out for a four, just ! Play five on and two putt for the seven. Bitten, ouch and it shows. Now reach the turn in a discreditable 45, when it was just thirty for the first seven.

I am in trouble of the tee at ten when my tee shot is found by the ever eagle-eyed Mr. Gunn, in another clump of heather. The tenth gives me yet another nine. As Ricky said last week, "it's called golf". Bills tee shot at eleven is pulled into the shrubbery on the left. I quickly follow suit and Bill and I both play three off the tee. Mark finds my second, which is unplayable and a penalty drop now sees me playing five. I knock it down into the hollow. I pitch on for a six and then two putt for the eight. I think that the score in the main match is more or less all square. My scoring is anything but, the thirty five is followed by 8,7,9 and 8. What looked likely to be a good gross score in the mid eighties is fast becoming a net score with a gross in the nineties, if I am lucky ! My tee shot at eleven is over to the right and I am faced with a pitch onto the Green. I get a flier and am down the other side. Duff the first pitch, second pitch is safely on for a four and I two putt for the six.It is blatantly obvious that I haven't added  Stableford point since the seventh !

At the thirteenth tee, I have been forgetting all about the head to head between Mark and Tam, when all of a sudden, Mark, grinning from ear to ear, shakes hands with Tam. Their match is all over and where is Ricky when one needs him? Up at Haggs, no doubt. Ricky, Mark beat Tam with six holes remaining, and on Tam's advice, I am leaving the score blank. One (and Ricky) can work it out for ones self. Peter Allis used to say that that particular score in matchplay was what one had to pay to keep a dog for a year ! (excluding food and Vet bills)

My tee shot at thirteen is over to the left of the fairway in the  light rough. My second with my four wood is right underneath it, up it goes and it lands nicely in the grass, just short of the railings protecting the burn. I elect to hit the four wood again envisaging that the ball will strike the aforementioned railings, but no. I cream it onto the Green and its about four feet to the right of the pin, pin high. Excellent, a chance of a par. But no, it lips out and I get a five and my first two points since the seventh.

I play a nice tee shot at fourteen and my second is laid up short of the burn. My pitch shot goes through the Green and is in the little hollow at the back. A delicate pitch out for four, sees my ball roll agonisingly close and on, about fifteen feet past the hole. I two putt for the six.  At fifteen, I cream my tee shot and my approach just holds on at the front of the Green. I two putt for my par. At sixteen, my five iron tee shot is to the right, short of the bunker. My pitch on is a bit of a delight and is pin high, six feet left of the hole. The awkward little putt, just stays out and I am in for a four. The main match is all square. Bill, having been three down to me is now the victor by three and two !

At seventeen the main match is all square and we cross over to play the eighteenth. I hit a nice tee shot and am on the fairway, right of centre. Play my four wood to about eighty yards from the Green. Tam, being the golfer he is, is playing, by my standards, very well. Dropping the odd shot here and there, single putting on the odd hole to stay at par for that hole and on three occasions, getting birdies. I said to Tam, on the tees, "let's win the last with you getting a four". Well Tam, playing his second elects to change fairway woods. "I'll ask him what he changed from to", in a minute. Tam, hooks his second shot into the shrubbery on the right hand side of the first tee. Finds his ball within the blue posts and gets a lift and drop. He chips on for three and sinks the putt for a win in the main match. Meanwhile, I pitch on for three and safely two putt for my five. Out in 45, back in 56 and that is 101. Less my handicap of fifteen making 86 in all. As I said earlier, what looked liked being a good gross score after seven, would more look like becoming my nett score. It was, and this time the Darely bit me with a vengence!

But hey, the camaraderie was good, the banter excellent and the golf should have been a darn sight better, but that is golf for you. It bites and it bites when least expecting it ! At least the football starts this Saturday and BBC 1 are showing Match of the Day Live on Saturday with West Bromich Albion versus Newcastle United in a Championship match. It's a bit much when one is reduced to a few crumbs of comfort from the English Championship. Hope Newcastle don't lose, because if they do, then we won't here the last of it from that famous Benny Hill lookalike, aka Adrian Chiles.

See you on Saturday guys. Rumour has it that we have three tee off times, so all six of us can go out in three two balls !

Nooner's News - 25th July 2009

I arrive at the club house to find Mark and James already there. Then Ricky arrives and makes it four. Mark decrees that we have a four ball, then a spanner is thrown into the works when Charlie arrives. So we go for three and two.

When clearing through my kitchen cupboard I find my old Pinnacle putter with the large head, so I decide to give it an airing. It worked very well for me on Friday when I tried it out for the first time in about five years, so I decided to stick with it.

The cards are drawn and it's James, Ricky and myself, leaving Charlie and Mark. We go over to the first tee and are followed my Mark, Charlie and Bill Gunn. Great, we now have two three balls.

Off we go and things are going steady down the first. In fact the golf is fairly steady going down the first three holes. I am just short of the third green in three, but my putt or the four is hit too hard and finishes about seven feet beyond the hole. A tricky borrow, down hill just rolls past and finishes behind the hole with a tap in for the six. Over to four and the first par is recorded. Five sees James play a provisional due to the rough. All is well as he finds his first and we progress towards the Green. My second is short and right and my third is short of the Green, but putting. Get the five and onto the sixth. My tee shot lands short and right and I am faced with a Nitby. Avoid it by chipping nicely over the bunker and finishing on the first cut. Ricky thought my par putt attempt was going in and we were both amazed to find it roll past. Ricky amazed, or was he chuckling with delight that I missed it and he recorded a par here. I'll give him credit where it is due, as his was the only tee shot from the three of us on the Green and he deserved his par.

Off we go to seven. My tee shot here is nicely down the middle. James tee shot is on the left of the fairway and he hits a four wood and pushes it right, into the hay. My four wood is topped and goes about a hundred yards. Hit my third shot with the same club and it is creamed onto the Green. I ask Ricky, "why is it that James hits a sweet tee shot, then pushes his second over to the right. I hit a topped shot and them cream my next with the very same club" Ricky replies " It's called Golf " ! Ricky hits the nail on the head there.

At eight I am nicely placed but by approach follows the contours into the right front bunker. Come out in one and two putt for the par. At nine, my tee shot is sclaffed and is short of the bunker on the right. My four wood second is pushed further down the hay, on the same line. On for three and two putt for the five. Out in 48 and 16 points. James has 19 and Ricky 18.

Ricky is just short and left at the tenth, James and I are both on. Ricky gets his four and James and I both get pars. Eleven is uneventful and twelve gives me a six. Get my par at thirteen and a five at fourteen. Ricky and I both get fives here, and we both three putted.

Onto the sixteenth. Ricky, I thought was referring to the musical "Oliver" when he starts on about Nancy. Mr Birrell and co are putting out on the fourteenth and Charlie hears Nancy and joins the conversation with Ricky. Transpires that the Nancy they are referring to is any golfer, who elects to take Driver here at the par three fifteenth. I am not going to let that get to me, methinks, but it does. Charlie either advertently or inadvertently, has a psychological effect on my decision to hit the Driver. It is topped and goes about 80 yards downrange. An 8 iron is just onto the first cut and I get a five here. Charlie, he of Morrison's fame, tees off using his very own Driver. Ricky and I watch in utmost disbelief when Charlies tee shot is nicely onto the Green within birdie range. "I know why he has hit it like that" I say to Ricky. Ricky asks me why I say that. "Because" I reply, "there is nobody else at the fifteenth tee to put HIM off" ! Despite Charlies shenanigans at the tee, James gets the better of me at this hole and takes the match three and two.

16 sees James tee shot in the woods and three off the tee.Ricky is safely over to the left and I am down the right. Play a 4 iron to the top of the mounds on the right. My third shot is short of the Green and my fourth is over to the left of the little mound, on the left. Knock it on for the five and in for the six. Get five at the seventeenth and Ricky goes one up in our match.

At eighteen, my tee shot is again topped and goes about eighty yards. My four wood second is in the hay, short of the mounds. Hack it out with a seven iron onto the grassy mound on the right. My next shot here is with the Driver, "don't tell Charlie that !) and its further downrange. Pitch on for the six and two putt for the eight. The game has bitten me again (and again at this very hole) Nevertheless, I am back in 45 giving me another 16 points. Gross 93 and a nett 78 and 32 points. Ricky also has 32 points and, on the day, beats me 2 and 1, but all is not lost for me here as I believe that Ricky and I have already posted a result here on the Lochgreen when our previous match was halved. James was playing very steadily and recorded 37 points. Into the clubhouse to record the scores and over to the Nineteenth.

The banter and camaraderie is as good as ever and we are discussing the results of the six of us. Mark declares that his pitch shot third, to the Green from about sixty yards, is shanked and it flies over to the Putting Green, which is protected by White marker posts, giving it the honourable status of "tired kangaroo"! "That gives me my third N R of the round" states Mark.

On declaring the scores Charlie says 36 and Mark twentysometing. Bill then says 40. It transpires that Bill is now the proud owner of a new putter. He then tells us that it is, in fact, new to him, as it once belonged to Tam. Why is it then that when a Nooner, buys a golf club from another Nooner, he then puts it to better use than the original owner. Stevie taking the longest drive from Gerry at the 18th at Cowglen during the recent Green Jacket, and now Bill putting Tam's putter to good use. As Ricky commented earlier, "that's golf".

Once again, the usual good banter and camaraderie. See you next Saturday, guys.

Nigel

Nooner's News - 14th July 2009

Centenary Celebrations 11th July 2009.

Well, what a wonderful day and evening !
A good turnout of Nooners past and present saw 15 ? of us in the draw for playing partners. I wasn`t aware we were having a draw so was unable to carry out my traditional pockling but still managed to get drawn in second group along with David (Elsie) Ellis and Tam (caber tosser) MacGuire.
No shorts from Rossco in fact only one set of hairy legs visible from James Connelly. (loved the pale pink shirt as well James)
A game of skins is agreed to add to the proceedings (winner gets free food and drink) and we tee off approx 30 mins later than schedule !
Ah the old memories come flooding back as Elsie puts his tee shot on to Fullarton and Tam hooks his onto the 18th fairway. Rossco hits a low runner straight up the fairway ! “welcome back Ross” says Elsie  “nothings changed “.
I`m just off green after three but the usual 6 iron pitch + run works it`s old magic to 2 feet ! “ aye you`ve no lost yer touch ya old bastard “ grumbles wee weedgie MacGuire and I win the skin with a five.
Lost my tee shot at second but manage a rather nice birdie with provisional ball so walk off with a respectable 6. David birdies here.
A six at third is fine by me so a 5,6,6, start I would always settle for.
With expectations running high on the fourth I chip my second to 10 ft….birdie chance…..but I three putt for one measly stableford point…..grrrr.
We seem to be hanging around a lot generally but hey, it`s a lovely day…could be worse and I`m delighted to get a par four at the long 5th hole for 3 points and a couple of skins.
Long delay on 6th tee and Tiger Woods waves to us as he flies into Prestwick in his black Nike jet. (do Nike make jets ????) A lovely sandy par for Tam here.
Couple of birdies from my colleagues on 7th….boring… and Tam drives the bloody green on 8th….12 ft from pin……and proceeds to 3 putt…..not a happy chappy but he refrains of throwing his putter on to road.
Tam gets a fine two at the tenth to win a few skins.
At this point Rossco and Tam have two skins and Elsie has two skins so pretty even and all to play for . Points ? Ross and Tam have 18 pts to the turn, Elsie has 16pts .
Tam continues to play well, and Rossco has a couple of aberrations but no real disasters. S.O.D. from Tam at 14th  ? he`s under the trees and somehow squeezes out a low punch to 12 ft from pin . ( one from the Sevie stable ?)
On the 16th tee the skins is still as it was after 10 holes !!!!ie there Six skins on the 16th hole. Elsie predicts he`ll finish 4,5,4 but refuses to have a wager on it ! He gets a eight for this hole and a nine for the next !!!!
On the 18th tee Tam has 37 points, Rossco has 35 points and Elsie was also in attendance ! There is 8 skins on this hole !!!!
My colleagues screw their drives up but reach the Fullarton (I`m up middle) Elsie hacks and sclaffs his weary way to green and gets a seven.
Tam recovers well and walks off with a five for two points.
Rossco`s second is poor to leave an approach of 150 yds….I hit a fine 7 iron which just clears left bunker and lands right at back of green (flag at front ) say 45 ft from hole ….I study Elsies shot which is similar to mine and observe a huge swing on it. So, 45 ft and a big swinger….I`ll do well to get down in 3 from here methinks ? Not at all…..I snake it right into the can !!! a fine birdie, four points and 8 skins.
And I think to myself….”what a wonderful world “
19th hole: Nae chips !!!!! Rossco and Tam are tied at 39points and both have 21 pts on back nine….But Rossco`s putt on 18th wins the last six holes count back…..and a fine kitty it is too ! Great to be back chaps.
Evening Dinner/Centenary
 What can I say ?
                              Champagne,pipers,red carpet, photos, the hall looked like an Oscar ceremony and plenty of whatever you fancied. I had a fabulous night (as did Gill) and the icing on the cake was winning the Snrs Competition with my net 71…a lovely wee trophy.
Think all Nooners enjoyed themselves judging by the smiles. Gill and I got ABSOLUTELY SOAKED having been dropped off by coach at corner of Barassie. Picture this: Rossco in Dinner suit  clutching his trophy, Gill in frock….20 minute walk in a monsoon…nae coats and nae brolley……drookit…not sure the penguin suit will ever be the same ???  fantastic !!!
Head was thumping next morning…..but worth every hammer blow J
Barassie Nooners day ? provisionally for 29th August.
See you soon
Rossco (Snrs Champion)

Nooner's News - 27th June 2009

Seven of us arrived for the golf on Saturday,for the Lochgreen Bowl. Mark, Tam, Stevie, Gary, Jamie and myself. I know that is six, but the seventh member to arrive was the Big E, David Ellis, making a welcome return after his injury of a few weeks ago. Good to have you back again David. All we need to see now is Mr. Birrell, who hasn't been seen recently in Morrison's, and even longer on the course.

Usual pull of the cards and in the first group are David, Mark, Gary and myself, leaving Tam, Stevie and Jamie. The throw of the balls pairs David and Mark against Gary and myself. The only Summer league match at stake is David and myself. We win the toss and "elect to bat". Gary is down the left and I am over on the right, on the first on the Fullarton. Mark is over on the eighteenth and David, straight down the middle. We play our seconds and then spend a bit of time looking for one of the balls, not mine, in the jungle on the right. We find it and off we go again. My third shot is nicely on the Green and as Mark is just coming onto the Green, Tam's ball comes rolling up past Mark, just to let us know he's behind! Get the five for the win and off to the second.

Mr E. is playing steady golf. Was he really missing all those weeks? My third shot, played in with an eight iron looks to be good, but the contours send it into the bunker on the right!. Two shots to come out, see me just off the Green. Line my putt up and low and behold, it's a good 'un, goes into the hole for a six. Not good though, as David is in for five and it's all square, both in the match and the head to head.

Off we go down the third and I hit a good tee shot. Mark is way over to the right and reloads. We are then all nicely placed and hit our seconds, except Mark. Mark and David are in the jungle on the right, and I am about a hundred yards short. My third, again with the eight iron, is nicely on. Manage the five here and we are one up and I'm one up on David.

Over the road to the fourth. I am in the light rough about one hundred and fifty yards down range. Mark booms his drive over to the left, somewhere onto the eighth fairway. Off we go. Play my second onto the ridge above the bunkers. Meanwhile we have no luck whatsoever in finding Marks' tee shot, so off he goes, back to the tee. Meanwhile, Tam, Stevie and Jamie are waved through. Mark plays his three off tee shot and comes back to join us. I am in for the five and am now two up on David. Gary gets the four and we are two up in the match.

I manage to get a five at the fifth and edge further ahead of David and further ahead in the match. My tee shot at six, is just short of the Green. David is nicely on. Just miss the three, get my four and David gets his par. Now back to two up in both the match and our game.

Play a reasonable tee shot at seven, but it comes to rest the the nice green luscious grass, short of the jungle. Make a bit of a mess of my five iron and its about one hundred and twenty yards away, with a reasonable lie, lie the long stuff. Mr E, in front of my when I play this shot, locates my ball and marks it with his wood cover. I play a delightful seven iron shot, to the front of the Green. Mr E likes it and says "good shot". Thank you, I say, and he follows his comment up in true Nooners style by saying "if I knew you were going to hit it that well, I'd have stood on your ball". "if you'd stood on my ball, I wouldn't have picked your wood cover up and handed it back" I thought unto my self ! My fourth shot is short and my par putt just misses and I'm in for the six to match David.

At eight, I hit a cracking drive and am about thirty yards from the left bunker. An eight iron push send the ball into "birdie" range. Miss it and get the four.This is is first hole in the main match which is halved. Little did we realise it would be only the first of two, to be halved.

Play a nice tee shot at nine and my second, with a three iron is just short of the Green. Get in for the four and at the turn I have played 44 shots and amassed twenty points.

We all hit excellent tee shots onto the Green, at the par three tenth and we have got the pin surrounded. Mr Ellis says, "watch us all take fours". Well, Gary and I each get the three, with me just missing the two !  David, true to his saying, gets the four and Mark knocks his putt in for a share of the twos sweep.

At eleven, David gets right under his tee shot, skies it and it comes back to terra firma, short of the trouble, twenty yards from the tee. My tee shot is in the first cut over to the left. I knock it twenty yards and come out in three. My fourth shot is shanked to the right. I pitch on for in five and get down in two putts for the seven. Meanwhile, Mr Ellis recovers from his tee shot to take a five at the hole.

Over to the twelfth tee and cometh the hour cometh the man !  Mark, who has the distinction of at least three pars with provisional balls off the tee behind him, steps onto the tee. He hits a screamer of a tee shot into the first of the two trees, about seventy yards down range, on the left. They say that to every action is an equal and opposite reaction and it's true here. Coming out of the tree, at a very similar speed to his ball ingressing into its' foliage, is a rather startled pigeon, egressing at a similar rate of knots!. ( I am reminded here of the story about the two Crows, sitting on the fence, at Heathrow, when Concorde took off. One of the Crows says to his mate, "cor blimey, look at that take-off. I wish I could fly like that". His mate replies to him "You sure would fly like that if your arse was on fire like that!") Once again in the match, Mr Ellis rescues his team. Mark, playing three of the tee, is out of the hole, but David is is on in two and gets the birdie. One doesn't see birdies at this particular hole all that often.

At thirteen, I am nicely placed with my tee shot and my second is on the Green. My birdie attempt just stays short, but the hole gives me the four. We are now one up in the match. David and and I are having a good game too. Going down the fourteenth, and I am tow up on David when he reminds us that "two up with five to play, never wins." I take a six here and follow that up with another six at the fifteenth. David and I are all square.

My tee shot at sixteen is scuffed along the deck and is about a hundred and fifty yards away. A nice five iron sees me down in the hollow to the right. Gary, meanwhile, plays a nice tee shot and is on the Green in two. I pitch on in three. Gary leaves his eagle putt short, but gets the birdie. I manage a win over Mr Ellis. We are now dormie two down in the match and I'm one up with David.

David hits a nice tee shot at seventeen and is nicely on in two. My second is short and right, and a seven iron runs across the Green to the first cut. Just miss my four, get the five and David and I are level but Mark and David are the victors in the main match.

My tee shot at eighteen is a cracker and I am just on he fairway, beyond the mounds. Play a five iron to just short of the Green and I'm safely on in three. Leave my birdie put about four feet short but tap that one in for a five and an inward half of forty six. That gives me fifteen points on the back nine. I have a gross 90, which is a nett 75 and 35 points. David and I half the match. Was pleased with my round, but the inward nine could and should have been at least five shots better.

Once again, the camaraderie was excellent and the banter its usual self. I shan't be around next Saturday, but will be out again for the Centenary competition, a week on Saturday. See you for the Centenary competiton guys.

Nigel

Nooner's News - Green Jacket 2009

We have two reports this week. Happy Reading.

The Hills Are Alive (So are the Nooners but we`re puffed oot )

Well what a fantastic day we had at Cowglen for the 2009 Green Jacket. Just goes to show that The Nooners CAN organise a Piss Up in a brewery…or at least Bill Gunn can anyway.
My day was scheduled to start at 08:00 when Paul Kerr was to pick me up. Out of my bed in plenty of time, leisurely breakfast when the `phone rang at 07:30…..it`s Paul saying he`s picking me up at 7:45 ……bang goes my leisurely start and I`m dashing about the place getting my stuff ready much to wifes amusement “you should have got it ready the night before !” (hav`nt heard that phrase since I was at school)
Anyway, I`m ready for 7:45……and he finally arrives at 08:00 ….thanks pal.
He then advises me he`s to get his tyres checked and needs some petrol….oh , and he needs to get cash from bank !!!! planning ahead not a strength then Paul ????
However, we`ve got plenty of time and we get Glynn by 8:15 which is loads of time to get to Cowglen in time for bacon rolls/coffee. All`s well with the world.
Had some laughs on the journey especially when Paul reminds us of the time his good lady was out for the evening with friends so he was in by himself with a porny movie and listening to music via head-phones decides to have a quick “ knuckle shuffle “…….meanwhile the good lady has brought back her friends for a coffee and on entering the lounge are confronted by the good doctor (starkers and “beating his meat” in front of the telly !!!!)…..(details have been changed to protect the innocent)
Anyway, we arrive in good time and auld acquaintances are renewed…..feel the warmth of the atomosphere….ye couldnae buy it.
One wee girl trying to produce 20 bacon rolls but well worth the wait….not sure first group got theirs ?  it`s ok guys Gerry ate them !
So, golf commences. What do I remember ? My most striking memory is of that bloody great mountain we had to climb up to the fourth (?) tee. Gabe got Alan Paynes electric trolley to drag his clubs up in the afternoon.
I enjoyed a great 4 ball with Gerry + Me  Vs Ricky + Alaister Payne. The only downside being that we lost on 18th green…close game though with both Ricky and me playing quite well.
Lunch of soup + Sandwiches and beer paid for by we losers !! The points are added up and this years winner is RICKY WEBSTER with 36 points and Rossco is a strategic second place with 34 points. (look those two short putts I missed were incompetence honestly ).
Afternoon round saw Alan Payne, Gabe, Mark and myself in a four ball. How Mark and I are going to get these two old buggers back safely is a worry but any fears are quickly forgotten as we try to understand the complexities of “The Golden Testicle”.
However, Mark seems to have a grasp of the situation and our tactics seem to be working well……ie play it every hole when you don`t think you`ll loose it !! not so sure about the legality of our putting tactics but hey…who gives a monkeys ? all`s fair in golf with ra Nooners.
Alan P took the nearest the pin with a fluked 5 iron (think we sank the putt as well ? )
Anyway, we all made it back safely if a tad knackered and felt refreshed after alcohol.  A good dinner and plenty wine for Rossco….plenty prizes as well..thanks.
Well done to Ricky ( I would have liked to win the jacket actually ) and a great turnout of Nooners past and present.
Bill Gunn ? again thank you for a memorable and enjoyable day. £50 for all that was a bargain….I look forward to next year for another attempt !     Rossco

Report from Headnooner

The venue for the Green Jacket this year was the delightful parkland course, Cowglen. An excellent choice of course from last years winner, Bill Gunn.

I was in the group with Gabe, Iain MacKenzie, and Stephen Phinn. The pairings on the usual "throw of the balls" was Gabe and I versus Stephen and Iain. I got the feeling that, as our two opponents were off single figures and that Gabe hasn't played for some little time, that we were on to a hiding to nothing. We didn't fair too badly, only managing to lose the match 1 down.

We lost the first hole and won the second. I managed a cracking tee shot at the fourth and made a mess of the second. A reasonable third shot saw me just off the green, at the back. A longish putt, with the flag in, happened to be on the correct line and in it went, giving me the par. Then came the long drag up "cardiac hill" to the par three fifth. Gabe and I both got fours which were both one worse off than Iain, and we were all square again. Gabe and I were playing some steady golf and we reached the turn just one hole down.

We were two down after 11, and then came three delightful holes. The par three twelfth, the par four thirteenth and the par five fourteenth. The twelfth, 194 yards on the side of the hill. Anything right, may have  a chance of being on the green, anything left, and your back on the eleventh fairway, if you've avoided the trees !. We halved this hole and onto the thirteenth. 360 yards, with a dog leg right. From the landing area, it is uphill to a green, which itself lies "on the fairway" from the fourteenth !

The fourteenth is a very forgiving par five, which being down hill, can be reached in two, with a bit of luck. My tee shot here was in excellent position to attack the green. My second shot coming to rest just by the bridge, about eight yards from the Green. A pitch on and a birdie chance was created. It just missed but yielded the five for a par and a win.This pulled us back to just two down.  We halved fifteen and Gabe managed the win at sixteen to go one down. The last two holes saw us halve them both and so we lost the match, one down.

Rumours were going round the clubhouse at lunch, that Ricky was leader with 36 points. It was soon confirmed that Ricky had indeed won the morning Stableford and was thus the winner of the Green Jacket.

Suitably fed and watered, we went out for the afternoon round in the Texas Scramble. The pairing for this being different to the morning round. I was out with Glynn, Paul Kerr and Jim Webster.We were following the group with Ricky in it. Also in the afternoon was the Golden Ball, but played in a slightly different format to that of last years ! But the same rule of "if the Golden Ball is lost",  then that's it.

Well, as I said, different rules then last years. Rules which we thought all too complicated, summed up particularly well by the two "medics" Paul and Glynn. Paul called it as "very well organized: everything was clear,specific and concise with the possible exception of the two-phase, semi-retrotransferable 'golden ball' algorithm."   Glynn, went one better then ball, he actually hit the shot at the par three fifth which sent it into the shrubbery, well and duly losing it. Nice one, Glynn ! A pity you didn't lose it sooner, methinks ! Anyhow, with that out of the way, we were able to concentrate better on the Texas Scramble.

Our team were playing steady stuff, paring on better the first five or six holes. Bill Gunn had selected the "nearest the pin" at the par three ninth. My tee shot here was about a foot short of the green. Nay bad, I thought, as I had been in the burn, the new burn that is, suitably annotated onto my yardage chart by the Pro, before the start of the morning round, and coloured red. (I always used blue for water !) I was very cruelly brought down to earth by Ricky, gleefully proclaiming that the competition is actually "nearest the hole, not nearest the Green". ( Nice one, Ricky, that's one I owe you !)

We had dropped a couple of shots in our round and were to drop another at the par four 13th. I just knew we would get that dropped shot back at the delightful 14th, and so it was. Creamed by drive to be the ball in play and Paul creamed the second onto the Green. Jim was most unlucky with his tricky massive distance eagle attempt, just lip-ping out. An eventual tap in birdie though and a redemption.

After that, it was though the remaining holes in par and a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon. The eighteenth was selected as the longest drive, with Gerry's name on the board as we passed by it. The were hoots of derision later, in the clubhouse, when Stevie Aird had the audacity to out drive Gerry and do so with the driver that Gerry had sold him !  Talk about adding insult to injury. Stevie only out drove Gerry by just two yards, but Gerry is in line for the last laugh here. As with Professional Footballers having their transfer fee increased for the number of appearances or the number of goals scored; Gerry is adding to the sale price of this driver by a line up of pound coins, by the distance out driven. Should be an extra thirty five quid at least there, Gerry. Better off in your pocket then Stevie's, methinks !

Then came the meal and presentation of prizes. Alan Payne won the nearest the pin. Stevie Aird won the longest drive and the winner of the Green Jacket was Ricky Webster. Well done, Ricky. 

Two things to add as I sum up, firstly, well done Ricky on winning this years Green Jacket. We look forward to next years event. That leads me on nicely to the second, to say, once again, well done Bill in organising this years tourney. You chose an excellent course for us and the organisation was excellent.

Nooner's News - 13/06/2009

I never got around to producing a report for Saturday 6th June, which saw us out on Darley. Only three of us played, namely Mark, Bill Gunn and myself. Bill beat Mark and I managed to beat both Mark and Bill. Wasn't playing too badly, but a couple of shots which spring to mind were; my tee shot at nine, finishing on the mound and a sand wedge, played blind, to about four feet and got the three. The shot of the day was played by Mark at the thirteenth. He actually drove from the tee, over the burn and was thirty yards over it. Nice shot Mark, I have never seen a tee shot at that hole finish over the burn.
 
I managed a win over Mark in a way that none of us like, Mark unfortunately not finding his tee shot at seventeen and therefore conceding both the hole and the match. These things happen, and are not the ideal way to win a tie.

So it was then, that Saturday 13 June dawned and we were on the Lochgreen. Five of us arrived, Mark, Ricky and I out in the first group and Tam and Phillip out in the second group. My opening tee shot finished short of the bunker to the right in the long stuff. A seven iron out and I'm about another hundred yards down range, to the left. My seven iron approach shot, looking the world like ending in the bunker on the right, cleared it and I was nicely placed in three, just off the green. A little roller with a seven iron, saw my ball about two feet away, and the hole gave me my five.
 
Just short of the second in three and I three putted for the six. At the third, we were waved through by the three ball in front of us. I got a six at here and followed that up with further bogie's at four, five and six. Four ladies, in the game in front, called us through at the seventh tee. At eight, my tee shot was way over to the right and so, it was three off the tee. A four with this second ball gave me a six and no points. Mark was edging his way in front and Ricky and I were sharing holes.

At nine, my tee shot was past the bunkers and nicely placed on the left of the fairway. A seven iron was nicely on the Green in two. This hole gave me my par, as did the tenth. The eleventh saw me in trouble but I recovered to get a seven and eventually half with Ricky. Mark was four up on me after eleven. Mark's tee shot at twelve was out of bounds, so he reloaded. Ricky was nicely down the fairway and I was short of the bunker on the right. My five wood took me to just short of the Green and I got my par here. Was nicely placed, with my drive to attack the thirteenth. My pitch meant having to aim left of the flag, and I ended up left of the Green. A pitch on and two putts, gave me a five. Ricky had, at this hole, lost to Mark. (It has to be 6 + 5) Ricky then started barking up the wrong tree, when he was on about dog licences. Don't I just get the felling that Ricky isn't going to let me forget that one?

I got a six at fourteen and then hit my Driver at fifteen, to finish about eight feet beyond the pin. Ricky again going off at a tangent when he complained most bitterly to Mark, "that was a ladies shot, taking the driver off the tee". Just missed my two but safely knocked in for the three.

Mark and I were keeping our game alive and I had closed the gap to Dormie three. Mark helped me at sixteen by playing his seond into a garden, and my six was good enough to be Dormie two down. Ricky and I were all square after sixteen.

At seventeen, I was the first to get the second shot in, finishing over to the right. Ricky hit a nice second shot in, only to finish off the Green to the left. I chipped on, and Mark's second was in the right hand bunker: nicely out for three. Mark and I halved the hole and Mark had turned the tables on me, from last week, to win by the same score, 2 + 1. Ricky's third shot, emulated Tom Kite and he finished up at the bottom of the hill, just pushing the door open for me to take a one hole lead going down the eighteenth. Ricky was steady going down the last, getting a par to finish our game all square. So it was then, to the nineteenth to await Tam and Phillip. Tam won the kitty with 39 points and also picked up four birdies, Phillip got two.

So, that is it then, another Saturday. It's the Green Jacket this coming Friday at Cowglen golf club. Just like to close by saying thanks to last years winner, Bill Gunn, for organising this years event.

I look forward to meeting up this Friday at Cowglen, but have to report that I failed to find an Irish Grand Slam 2009, Rugby tie! I'll just have to wear an old England Grand Slam tie instead. That should please Mark. See you on Friday guys.

Nigel

Nooner's News - 16/05/2009

Today was the St. Meddans Jubilee competition over the Lochgreen. For those taking part it was great to go out in ten minute intervals, with no pressure on the groups. No holding up the guys behind, and the guys ahead not holding us up.

Robert, Stephen and Bill were out at 9:30 and Charlie and I were out at 10:00. Our other group member withdrew and just when we thought we were going out as a twosome, David Nimmo joined us. It was a pleasure to be in the company of David who, for an eight handicapper hits the ball a fair country mile. The golfing camaraderie was good, but the greens alas are very poor. I don't think I've seen them so bad in all my thirty years up here. They were aeriated in October/November but that is all that was done. They weren't rolled or top dressed and now, they are very patchy and don't run true. They still have their holes in them and don't make for good putting. Please can we have them looked at and restored before they are irreparable?

There was a stiff breeze blowing about the course today, which seemed to swirl around, no matter which hole one was playing. It was a head wind going down the first, which yielded a seven for me. I then parred two, three and four, To be lying three over after four holes. I've said before that this is the game which bites and it bit me again at the fifth. Tee shot played to the left of the fairway then it was caught by the wind and taken onto the Portland course ! Three off the tee and a six with the second ball ! I took a five at the sixth and a six at seventh, managing a par at eight and a five at nine to reach the turn in 50.

I was thinking about taking my rescue five wood, off the tee at ten, but decided against it.Took my four wood and got right under it, to see it coming vertically down into a gorse bush, duly declaring it lost !  Then I took my rescue five wood, thinking "what the hell" and "went for it". I finished up just short of the green. It's all very well being wise after the event. From there, I  got down in two, for a five. We all hit good tee shots at eleven, with my ball lying nicely on the fourteenth fairway. Coming from the fourteenth tee were Robert, Stephen and Bill. I played a four wood which went right, missed the trees and finished up short of the thirteenth green. I was faced with a pitch shot over the thirteenth, with a landing area short and right of the actual green. I hit it just right and it rolled nicely onto the green and finished about five feet from the hole leaving me with a tricky down hiller for my par. Charlie and David were both on the green, With my detour over to the thirteenth, I hadn't seen David's ball fly into the big tree on the right. All I saw was two balls on the green. David found his ball in what can only be described as a very deep green"salad" and elected to play it. David said " I have to hit it hard to get it out",  and boy, did it come out. It was still going up as it cleared the eleventh green. Sadly it was lost in the bun-do on the left side, short of the green, as one playes it conventionally. The ball on the green was his provisional. Charlie got his five and my downhill putt dropped in four the four.

Another poor green at twelve saw my tricky ten footer for a five, go off line to the left. Knocked that in for the six. A good tee shot at thirteen saw me over to the right and a seven iron into the green kicked off to the left. It would have surely held on a good green ! I got a five here. I managed a four at fourteen and bogeys at fifteen and sixteen.

David had the honour at seventeen and his tee shot was right and flew straight into the Cemetery. Three off the tee saw David's next ball in the gorse bush, about fifty yards from the green! My tee shot here was over to the left and a wind assisted six iron was just perfect, until it rolled through the green and down the back. A delicate little pitch with an eight iron up the slope and onto the green saw my ball about five feet past the hole. Managed to knock the putt in for my par here. So, off to the eighteenth. My tee shot here was sliced onto the first on Darley, my second, with my rescue five wood was knocked down to again finish on the first Darley fairway, about one hundred yards from the green. A seven iron took a nice kick to the right to finish on the front of the green. I was faced with a thirty five foot putt which finished pin high to the hole a foot from it. Safely knocked it in for my eighth par of the round to finish the inward nine with a respectable 43. Finished with a score of 93 which was a nett 78 and not bad for the conditions. It will be interesting to see what the S.S.S. was today.

So that's the golf for another Saturday. I'm off now for a close scrutiny of the bottom of the English Premier league table, just to see if it is mathematically possible for Newcastle and Middlesbrough to avoid the drop into the Championship. My heart of hearts tell me it isn't, but the alternative is to watch the Eurovision Song Contest. So, I'm off to find them on the Internet. 

I think we have three times next week, all before 9:30. So, see you next Saturday guys.
 
Nigel
   

Nooner's News - 02/05/2009

Having completed the decorating task and been over to Brussels for a city break it was good to get back into the swing of things again with Saturday golf. The day saw me getting up early to book a time for next Saturday. I was there at five to seven and got the last early time. I waited a few minutes for Mark and he got 11:30. So, we have an early time and a late time next week.

Back down again for the golf at 8:45. Six of us arrived. Mark decided to try and get two new lads to join us and we decide to draw the first four ball. Charlie, Bill, Stephen and myself, leaving Phil and Mark with the two others. Off to the tee, balls in the air and its Charlie and myself against Bill and Stephen. Look back down the fairway to the first tee and it's just Mark and Phil. The two new lads had apparently decided to play by themselves as one of them was fairly new to the game, likely to go round in over one hundred and not wanting to hold up others. I suppose, that as far as Mark was concerned, it was like the M.C.C. winning their first O.D.I.against the West Indies under the Duckworth-Lewis system. !

Started off over the Lochgreen with a 5, 6, 7 for the first three holes. Managed to play some steady golf and reached the turn with a respectable 43 and 21 points. The four ball match was going along nicely, with Charlie and I holding our own. Stephen and I both commented that we thought the greens were very poor. Little grass, patchy in places and not running true. I have seen the much better.

The back nine was a different story. Bogeying each hole until the fifteen, which I double bogeyed. Managed to get bogeys at 16 and 17. By this point, I had managed a win against Bill and was matching Stephen, all square with one to play. The main match was level after 16, Charlie won 17 for our team to go one up going down the last. The match would end all square with Bill getting his par to level the game. I mentioned in an earlier report that is is the game which can bite, and it does. It bit me again going down the last. Got my third shot entangled in the deep rough by the mound about 100 yards short and right of the green. Hacked it out, eventually and recorded a card wrecking nine to finish out in 43, home in 49, gross 92 and nett 77. The one saving grace as far as my game with Stephen was that we halved the last hole and halved our match. Charlie lost both of his games. I finished with 34 points and after recording our scores, retired to the 19th hole for a solace of comfort. Mark won the kitty with 36 points.

It was good to be back, but I'm away next Saturday and the following week 16th May is the Jubilee competition over Lochgreen. Played 17 holes fairly well and "blew up" at the last. Still, I'll get some crumbs of comfort knowing that the difference between Alan Shearer and Newcastle (Howway the lads) United, is that Alan Shearer will still be on Match of the Day, next season. I'm already looking forward to the Newcastle versus Peterborough match. What do I think of the possibility that they will avoid the drop ?

I'll be going over to Arran next Saturday so I'll see you again in a fortnight for the Jubilee.

Nooner's News - 11/04/2009

Iain McKie, Robert and myself were down at the clubhouse on Saturday morning. Tam was there too, but he was playing in the Gordon Cunningham Rosebowl over Darley. So, the three of us sauntered over to the first tee on Lochgreen. As we did so, Mr. Ellis arrived. So, the four of us threw the balls in the air and the pairings were David and I versus Iain and Robert,

I elected to play the Summer League matches against Iain and Robert. I had a strange outward half, five sixes followed by four fives, making an outward nine of 50. David got the five at the first and our team were one up. We all hit reasonable tee shots at two and David and I were both over to the left. Playing his second shot, David injured his right wrist and was most concerned about it. We managed to get the five and the half and David was saying that he might have to withdraw, "but I'll try a tee shot and see how it goes". David tried his tee shot and, sadly it didn't go, well it did go but not very far. "No joy" said Dave apologetically, "I am going to have to call it a day at that". So, after two holes, we "lost" David due to, in cricketing terms, having to "retire hurt". 

Robert was playing some steady golf and he was beginning to get the better of me. Iain and I were having a rather closer game, with the two us each winning three holes and halving three holes on the outward nine to be all square at the turn. Robert was two up on me at the turn. Robert and his steady play saw me lose to Robert at the 15th, four and three. Iain and I continued as we were after nine. Iain going ahead at the twelfth and me getting the match all square at the next hole. All square, then, with five to play and I managed to win the next three holes to win by three and two.

Robert was off with his sons to see the Kilmarnock match. Iain and I went our separate ways in the car park. 

I was back down at the clubhouse for 6:00 p.m. to see the dedication of the Centenary Cairn, by the Minister of St. Meddans Church of Scotland, the Rev. David Harper. It was followed by the opening ceremony of the Centenary festivities, the tee off between the President and the Vice President of the Club. David Hay was trying to get a little sweep going of 10p for nearest the fairway ! Jim teed of first and then David and both played very nice shots with them both lying on the fairway, just a little way past the mounds. We then retired to the Clubhouse to toast the Club in it's Centenary year and then returned to the Cairn for photographs. Both balls were still lying on the fairway where the came to rest!

We have the same tee of times for next Saturday and there is a very strong rumour going around that there will be the presentation ceremony to Mr. Wright, at the nineteenth hole of the Winter League 2008/2009 Trophy.

See you next Saturday guys.

Nooner's News - 04/04/2009

"A Close Shave"

Alan and I had a cracking game of golf on Wednesday last. I won the match, but Alan won the Bye. He asked me at the Nineteenth hole if I would take the book for Saturday and record the scores as he would not be there.

So, Saturday dawned and as rain was falling, I decided to stay at home and crack on with the decorating. I duly went to the Nineteenth hole to find out the situation, and I can report as follows.

Five Nooners turned up for the golf today. Mark and Bill Gunn were the only two to play a Summer League Match and Mark won. Ricky was delighted to see me so that he could slag me off for the comments I've been writing about him of recent. "If you write about me next week, then I'm getting my Solicitor on to you" he gleefully commented. As I said in an earlier report, a complaining Ricky is better than no Ricky, so I'll settle for that. Then he has the audacity to say that I have even written about things, which he has done on the golf course, which I have never written about. I told him straight, "I never wrote that, so you'll be hearing from my Lawyer on that one." Then Ricky announced that he probably wouldn't be with us for the next two Saturdays. Mind you, with Ricky's appearance today, I have to confess that Ricky reminded me of one of the Wallace and Gromit films, namely "A Close Shave". Before Wrighty gets too excited about close shaves, I have to state here that it was Ricky's beard that got the chop.

Alan gave me permission to give out the winnings for the Winter League. So, £20 will go to Mr Wright for winning the Winter League, £10 to yours truly for coming second and a fiver each to Alan Payne, Bill Gunn and Ricky Webster, who all tied for Third place. Alan and Mr Wright were not here to claim their winnings, but Ricky and Bill both donated their winnings to the kitty for the Summer League. Mark, Charlie and Robert also paid their Summer League. So Alan, when you get the book back, you'll also get the pot for the Summer League to hang on to. It'll be worth your while coming back next Saturday, bonny lad. We also agreed amongst ourselves that Robert and I would both book times next Saturday. Rumour has it that we will be out on Lochgreen again next Saturday as it is the Gordon Cunningham Rose Bowl next week over Darley.

I'm off now to look over a few Lieutenant Colombo videos, to see how I stand against Ricky's lawsuit. Now, where is my old Monopoly board game with the two "Get Out Of Jail Free", cards. They might just come in useful. Ricky, please stop hunting for your game of Cluedo. Case dismissed !

See you next week guys.

Nooner's News - 28/03/2009

Nooner News Saturday 28th March

The last Saturday of the Winter League and six of us arrive to do duty. In the first group are Ricky Webster, Bill Gunn, and our new recruit, Phil Rooney. We are at the first tee watching the three ball in front tee off. Ricky, has an incredible piece of head gear on, it's one of those caps with a peak and a band round it which fastens with a velcrose grip, at the back. There is no top to it and his hair is protruding through it. "Couldn't you afford the full cap then, Ricky" are the comments pursuing. It might suit Colin, but it doesn't suit you. I think the correct name for that type of headgear is a Skip. Ricky, you should throw it into the next one you see.!

In the second group are Mark, Alan and myself. We decide to play skins, and also decide to tee off in handicap order, so on the first tee it's Mark, myself and Alan. Something clicks into place with my game today, and it's also a dry day with a stiff Northerly wind blowing.

We each play good tee shots and I am just short of the Green in three. Alan is about 150 yards short of the Green in two, and in his words, "this is where I went wrong" as he proceeds to get down from here in seven more shots, to open with a nine. Mark gets the eight and my six claims for first skin.

At two, Alan's tee shot is skied and comes down on the right, midway between the bunker and the bushes. Mark and I are nicely placed on the left, beyond the bunker. We are both short of the Green in two and we all manage fives here. We join our first threesome at the third tee and Ricky has now ditched his Skip and is wearing one of Mrs Websters' tea cosies. Sadly, it's colour clashes with the flags on the outward nine. Red. Onto the third, Mark is over to the left of the bushes, across the Burn, Alan and I are nicely over, just short of the Green. Mark's ball is clear of the bushes, but he is impeded by them with his follow through. Mark is in trouble here and because of the impeding bushes, gets down for the eight and is pleased with the fact that he was inside Alan's opening nine. Alan and I are on in two and I am putting for the Birdie and get the first of three "lip outs" for the round. Safely in for the four and Alan gets the five leaving me three skins to the good.

My tee shot at four is just on the Green, Mark is short and right. His pitch shot attempt onto the Green is shanked and he is lying on the pathway to the next tee. Mark manages to get down in five. I manage to three putt this hole and the hole is halved, skin wise.

At five, Mark and Alan both play provisional balls and both regulation tee shots are found. I am nicely over and Mark and I, both lay up. Marks third is over to the left of the Green. I hit a nice eight iron in and am about twenty feet from the hole. Leave my first putt about five feet short, but knock the next on in for a five and the fifth skin.
At six,and we are now straight into the wind, my tee shot is left of the fairway and I play a provisional. No need to worry about it, as my tee shot is nicely out in the open, beyond the shrubbery on the left. Into the wind here and we are all faced with, as Alan so nicely puts it, "four good shots to be on in three". As we are waiting to play onto the Green, Alan comments that the flag is moving very erratically about the Green. None of us have ever seen a flag do that before, then  we realise, as the flag moves over to the seventh tee, that it is Ricky's red hat which we can see. One has to bear in mind, the fact that from certain positions on the course, all one can see is he aforementioned hat. It is just too easy to make comparisons. I am nicely on in four and two putt for the six. I have eleven points for the first six holes.

At seven, all three of us are over to the right in the light rough. Alan knocks his second onto the Green. I am just short and left and bring the Texas wedge out. My putt is straight at the pin, but it deviates at the last minute and is about right feet past. Alan gets the four and proclaims that he is stroking and claims a skin. I get down in five and ad a couple more points.

At eight, with a tail wind, we are all nicely placed with our tee shots. I am on in two and two putt for the four to get my seventh skin, that being despite the fact that both Alan and Mark had putts for their fours, which somehow, stayed out.

A wee refreshment from Alan's flask is offered at the ninth tee, which goes down very nicely indeed. With the tailwind, I am through the Green with a seven iron, so too is Alan. Mark is nicely on the Green. Alan and I play on, and my putt just misses, but the four is safely in the can. Mark gets his three and after nine holes, I have seven skins with Alan and Mark on one each. I have eighteen points at the turn and Mr Wright's total is untouchable, but we always knew that after last weeks returns.

At ten, I manage a four and Alan gets the five, with a stroke, so the skins are carried over. At eleven, Alan is deemed to be in the Burn and we both take sixes here, to Marks five, but Alan has a stroke and the skins are carried over to the next. The twelfth sees us playing to the green with a strong right to left wind. Alan is short of the Green, Mark over to the right and I'm over to the left. A pitch on leaves me eight feet from the hole. Alan's putt, onto the Green, has, as Mark says, "a fair bit of golf left in it yet". Alan and I both get fours and the skins are carried over, yet again.

The thirteenth gives us wind assistance and we are nicely placed with our tee shots, short of the Burn. Mark's second is in the G.U.R. and he gets relief. Alan and I are just short of the Green in two and are both nicely on in three. Alan rattles his putt in for the for and the gentleman is stoking here and claims three skins with his four nett three. I get the five.

The fourteenth tee, is the third we have encountered which are in "no mans land" The tee markers being place anywhere but the actual tees. This trips me up here as my low struck tee shot, rattle through the bush and finishes twenty yards beyond it in the rough. Pitch out and play my third, back into the rough. I pitch out again and am short of the Burn in four. My approach shot is carried to the right of the Green, a pitch on and two putts sees me car an eight. It's a different story at fifteen when we are all nicely placed to attack the Green. Mark's pitch is shanked and is down in the valley, to the right of the fairway. I knock an eight iron nicely onto the Green. I two putt for my par and claim my eighth skin for the round.

The sixteenth, see Alan and I both short of the Green and Mark nicely on. We all get fours here and onto the seventeenth. Alan and I both get fives and there are two skins at stake on the eighteenth, with Alan on seven, me on eight and Mark with one. Alan tees off and is in the rough, short of the bunker on the left. Mark tees of second and he gets right under the ball. It goes up like a Saturn Five rocket and comes down to Terra Firma about ten yards in front of him, left of the launch pad, sorry, tee !  Mark, takes a wood to it and creams it straight into the bushes. All is not lost as there are blue posts protecting the bushes. Mark gets a free lift and drop. All this takes place, as Alan so succinctly puts it, behind the Ladies tee. "Mark is playing three and he's not past the Ladies tee yet" proclaims Headnooner. My tee shot, meanwhile, is nicely on the fairway to the right. My second shot is hooked onto the first fairway on the Darley. A seven iron sees me safely on in three. Alan too, is on in regulation. Mark knocks his putt in. How many Mark ? "Five" he replies "over par"!  My thirty footer is about five feet short of the hole. Alan gets his par and I have a tricky right to left putt, which gives me my third "lip out" if the day, and a six. Alan gets the skins and it's Alan nine, me eight and Mark one.

Over to the clubhouse to record our scores. I have 43 out, 46 back (thanks to the fourteenth yielding trouble). 89 nett 74 and 32 points, which is good enough to win the kitty and sees Headnooner crying into his beer at the nineteenth hole, because he can't cut me on the last Saturday with only 32 points.(He even miss read 33 as 32 in the rules sheet to try) He tried his damnedest to do so, claiming that a winning score of 32 or less is cut. He'll try anything just to cut me, because on the one legitimate occasion when I was cut, he was out of the country at the time and I did it myself. Missed out there, bonny lad.

So, congratulations to Wrighty who won the Winter League and defended the trophy. Modesty prevents me from saying who was in second place, but next Saturday sees us move onto the Summer competition. Owing to the small numbers participating in this competition, we are talking about playing each other twice, once over each course.

Once again the banter and the camaraderie were excellent. I am off now to find out if there are any more clocks in the house that need to be moved on the hour, there's bound to be at least one.

See you next Saturday guys.

Nooner's News - 21/03/2009

Nooners News Saturday 21st March

We had two times today, one at 9:36 and the other around 12:00. As I had booked the early slot, Mark usurped Headnooner and said that Nigel and three others take that slot. Headnooner miffed, but nowt he could do.. well there was !  He could try and nobble the Winter League leader, by fair means or foul. Mr Wright had pitched up with the idea of getting 36 points in the defence of his Winter League title. Trouble today was that about ten of us arrived and it was good to see Iain McKie back again. Sadly, Iain didn't play with us and he and his partner elected to go out over Fullarton to get a game. Look forward to seeing you with us again soon, Iain. Just as the four ball set off for the first tee, Headnooner nobbles me. "Now then, to stop Wrighty winning the Winter League, YOU are going to either have to break his clubs or break his legs", I am told. Er..me! "What ever happened to the old adage, no quarter given, no quarter asked for?" me thinks. I can just hear Headnooner in my mind saying "and don't do things by halves" !

David Ellis pitched up too and I must say that he was the picture of sartorial elegance in his smart, "off red" trousers. If only one of us had a mobile phone with camera in our group, but yeah, no ! We'll get a picky next time. So the three cards drawn to play with me were Wrighty, Tam and Mr Ellis. Balls in the air and the pairings were Tam and David, against Wrighty and myself.

Having not played for two weeks, it showed, my opening tee shot topped, about one hundred yards into the light rough on the left. A five iron stayed low, climbed over the mound, and finished on the down slope. A seven iron took it over to the right hand side about one hundred yards from the green. My fourth shot with a seven iron finished to the right of the green, two o'clock and I'm thinking about getting down in two from there. Seven iron low runner and its four feet from the pin. A six loomed, but the aerated greens, thought they might have been top dressed long before now. Sadly, they really are pretty poor and have been like that since late October, early November last year. My four footer for a six misses and its seven and nil points. However, the first is halved.

At two, I am nicely on in three and three put for the six and we are one up thanks to Mr Wright getting the par. I hit a nice tee shot at the third and am over to the right. A four wood second is again over to the right, half way between the two bunkers. A seven iron stays right, misses the right front bunker and is in a good position for the trusty Texas wedge. Putter sees me two feet from the hole and I get the five, and after three we are two up.

Over the road and to the fourth. Nice tee shot here and I am half way up the bank. A good eight iron sees my second lying three feet to the right of the pin. Green trips me up and gives me the four ! We halve the hole and remain two up. Good tee shots all round at five and my second shot avoids the right hand bunker and I elect to play the Texas wedge again. Knock it, with the contours, to about two feet and get the four. We are now three up. At the par three sixth, David creams his tee shoot and is four feet beyond the pin, nicely placed for the birdie and the win. I am over to the right, take relief due to G.U.R. and knock my Texas wedge, just onto the green. A good putt, looking like giving me the four, hits one of the rounded tops of an aerated hole and its alignment is duly altered, and misses by six inches. "Why do I bother entering competitions, with greens like this,?"  I ask myself yet again, "Bloody bad putt" exclaims Mr Ellis, gleefully. He lines up his putt, the holes, the dreaded holes, take it away. It is still rolling away when I say "Bloody poor greens". Tam, to my rescue, agrees with me. Hole halved.

Seven gives me a par, despite my third being played in with an eight iron that passes through the green and is in the rough. My pitch is delightful and a single putt gives me the par. At eight, Wrighty and I are safely on in two and we each get our pars. Tam has other ideas and gets one of his four birdies for the round, here. We are now two up. Wrighty and I halve the ninth and we are two up at the turn. Wrighty has 19 points at the turn. I have 17.

A par at the tenth and we remain two up. The eleventh trips me up and gives me a seven. I add just another point at twelve. The thirteenth sees me just beyond the orange marker, nicely placed on the fairway. My pitch shot hits the high ground on the left of the green, and instead of rolling right, onto the green, it kicks left and off. A pitch on and a tricky putt for the par just misses, but I get the five. Tam gets another of his birdies here and we are now one up.

The fourteenth hole is halved and at the fifteenth, Wrighty plays the hole well and we remain one up. At sixteen, I hit a topped tee shot but two good medium irons, see me over to the left of the Green. I elect to play the trusty Texas wedge. I play my shot and the unevenness of the Green sees my ball emulating one of Mr Wallis, Chastise Bombs, and it bounces several times as it traverses the Green to stop safely off the green at the other side. I have never putted across a green and off the other side before "Come on guys, get 'em sorted please". At seventeen, trusty Mr Wright gets the par and we remain one up with one to play.

We all hit good tee shots at eighteen. My third is just short of the green. A pitch on and two putts give me two more points. Tam gets his fourth birdie of the round here, wins the hole and the match is halved. I have 31 points and Mr Wright, in defence of his title has 37. Into the clubhouse to do the necessary with the cards and off to the nineteenth.

Back home in time to see the England versus Scotland match and then the Wales versus Ireland match. An excellent game this, and it was good to see Ireland get the victory, in a game with a nail biting finale, which gave them the Championship, the Tripple Crown and above all, their first Grand Slam in sixty one years. My wife and I were out with Irish friends to celebrate St. Patrick's day, just a few days late, but with the Wales v. Ireland Rugby result and some good Guinness and good Irish cuisine, we had a very good convivial evening.

I am off now to try and find an Irish Grand Slam tie. If I get one, I'll wear it for the dinner on the night of the Green Jacket. See you again next Saturday guys.

Nigel

Nooner's News - 14/03/2009

Nooners News

Saturday 14th March was a grey overcast day with drizzle early on, when I went to the starters office to book a time for next Saturday. Phil gave me the only early time left, at 9:36, and told me "that if you want earlier times from now on, you'll have to get here early to book them, as others are starting to come out and play now".

With being involved in some home decorating and the lure of the English Premier League match on Sky between Manchester United and Liverpool, the football won. What a cracking match, with Manchester United taking the lead through a penalty. Then Liverpool equalised after Torres got the better of Vidic and beat Van der Sar with a low shot. Then, United conceded a penalty, which Gerrard scored from to give Liverpool a 2-1 lead at half time.

The second half was just as entertaining with Liverpool increasing their lead from a free kick, conceded when Vidic hauled down Gerrard and was shown a straight red card. Liverpool scored a fourth in stoppage time after a long clearance from their goalie found Dossena, who chipped over the advancing Van der Sar and into an empty net, to make the final score Manchester United 1 Liverpool 4. So, that is Liverpool doing the double over Man U this season, but I still think that United will win the Premier League. Hope you guys catch up on the game on Match of the Day tonight, it is a cracker.

Then of course, it was the Rugby. Would love to see Ireland get their first Grand Slam in 61 years. Should be  another cracking game down at the Millennium Stadium, and what a ground to get the Grand Slam on !

So, as I say, I have an early time of 9:36. I'll be down for that and I await details of the other times we've got. Will have to see when we want to get out on a Saturday and get down early, if needs be, to get the times.

See you next Saturday guys for a round over Lochgreen.

Nigel

Nooner's News - 07/03/2009

                                            Nooners News Saturday 7th March

Ricky and I were down at the clubhouse at 7:50 to book the times for next week. We got 9:43 and 9:50. I couldn't decide whether Ricky's appearance was his, "I've just got out of bed look", or his, "I've arrived to play golf look". Anyhow, after booking the times, Ricky duly went off to Morrison's for his breakfast, so it must have been the former !

Six of us arrived for the golf, Ricky, Alan and Mark who were drawn in the first group and Tam, Bill Gunn and myself in the second group. The Meteorological Office had got it fairly right, in that light rain was falling, so waterproofs were the order of the day. Off we went to the first on Lochgreen.

Our three ball elected to decide the outcome on the best Stableford score, rather than play skins, so off we went. We all recorded fives on the first. Holes two to six were straight into the wind.Tam and I both got our fives at the second. I got into trouble at the third and carded a seven, giving me six points for the first three holes. I managed a par at the fourth and a six at the fifth. We had a slight wait at the sixth tee,and could see the rain being blown along in front of the trees at the sixth. Tee shot here was short of the mound and a pitch on saw me get the four. We had some respite at the seventh as the wind and rain were on our backs. Tam played the hole very well indeed, hitting a lovely third shot to within four feet of the pin and the first of his two birdies. We all hit good tee shots at the eighth and Bill and I were safely on in two, with Tam joining us to lay about fifteen feet short of the pin. Bill and I both got our fours and Tam rattled in his putt for his second and consecutive birdie.

At nine, Bills' tee shot cleared the road and was in a garden, so three off the tee. Tam and I were both short in two, but the sticky conditions short of the green meant that Tam's pitch just plugged. Unlucky for Tam, his monster length par putt attempt, just kept out and he was safely in for the five. I too, got the five and Tam was sitting on 18 points at the turn with yours truly on 15.

At ten, I played my five wood, nicely onto the green and got the three. Bill and Tam both getting fours. Tam got his four at the eleventh to my five. I got into trouble at twelve and failed to add to my tally. Said to Bill on the thirteenth tee that I needed a four here, as I wasn't stroking. Played a nice tee shot and a reasonably good nine iron second, onto the front of the green, and I managed to get the four and two more points. Throughout the round, Bill was playing steady golf, but wasn't able to knock Tam or myself off pole position. It was Tam and I who vied throughout, for the honour. the 14th gave me another par, even if the putt to get it was one of those nasty awkward little distances, which can so often yield to a miss. This time, it didn't!

Tam's tee shot at fifteen was just on the putting surface. Bill and I both missed the green to the left. My knock on, left me woefully short of the pin and my par attempt just stayed out, but I got the four. Tam putted very well here and got his par, and the honour again.

Sixteenth was the hole, on the day which the three of us will probably want to forget. Tam tees off and the left to right wind takes his ball into the trees. Bill tees off in the number two slot and has the same thing happen to him. I am very cautious of what has just happened to my partners and aim at the pine tree on the left of the fairway. But, this is the game that bites, and my ball is sliced into the trees also. All three of us playing three off the tee here. Bill is the only player to retrieve his ball, and after playing two shots in the trees and staying there, picks up. About the one thing we didn't find in those woods, as we went into them to try and find our balls, were any Teddy Bears having a picnic. It was probably too wet for them. Besides, their mummies and daddies would have given them a rollicking if they had returned home looking wet and soggy! Tam is the only player in our three ball to record a score here, getting one stableford point.

At seventeen, Tam creams his tee shot to just short of the orange post on the left. My tee shot is adjacent to the left hand bunker. Tam plays a delightful shot  which hits the down slope of the right hand bunker and finishes about four feet, pin high to the left of the hole. I am safely on in two and leave my first putt short but get the four. Bill is off the green to the left, pitches on and single putts for his four. Tam just misses his third birdie of the round, but gets his four.

At eighteen, we all hit reasonable tee shots. My four iron second shot finishes up on the mound, just short of the small plantation on the right. My seven iron third shot is badly shanked, but still finds the Green, the eighteenth on Darley! A lift and drop sees me playing a fourth shot, which finds the correct green and I three putt for the seven and get a single point to take my tally for the round to 29 points. Tam was playing steady and got 31 points, Bill 23. As we putted out Eric arrived on the green, so in true Nooners camaraderie, we all wished him a happy New Year!

At the nineteenth, we were joined by Wrighty, making a group of eight of us. Can't remember when we last saw that number at the nineteenth. Tam won the Kitty with 31 points, but Headnooner was playing steady consistent golf today, scoring on average, one Stableford per hole, to finish on 18 points.

Two of our numbers haven't been seen for a long time now and there are now, very strong rumours going around that Mr Ellis has given up golf for Lent and also, Robert the Troll is emulating is fellow Scandinavians, as they too aren't seen out on the Troon golf courses throughout the Winter months. Headnooner was heard mumbling at the nineteenth about various things. He was downhearted that he didn't cut me last week for winning the kitty with 34 points. He was miffed that he couldn't cut Tam for winning today with 31 points. He was, however adamant that he should cut Mr Wright two strokes for turning up, but not playing golf and not paying the £4 kitty sweep. As I type this report, I would like clarification on that one, but I am not holding my breathe on the outcome! My money is however, on Headnooner winning this one, but time will tell.

So that's it for this week then. The clubs, waterproofs, golf bag and shoes are nicely drying out in the hall, next to, or on the radiator. I'm off now for a tin of Scotch Broth to try and get warm again.

See you next week guys.

Nigel

Nooner's News - 28/02/2009

The last Saturday of the month and four of us arrive for the two slots. Tam, Bill Gunn, Mark and myself. The is a rumour going around that we booked later times to accommodate Alastair, whom we believed would turn up as he could make a later start. With his Dad being down south and therefore not being at home to remind him, we never saw Alastair, which, given the events of the day was a shame.

So, we go to the first tee and the customary throwing of the balls to select partners. It's Tam and Mark versus Bill and myself. Mark, placing a long tee in one hand and then rather cannily placing both hands behind his back, asks me to decide which hand it's in. I say left and Mark, sadly agrees with me as quote "I didn't have time to swap it over". Nice one Mark !

Bill elects to "open the batting" and to be quite honest, we never looked back from that one moment. Bill, clears the mounds, and I sort of hit a low runner that stops about 40 yards from the mounds. Mark and Tam both go way past the mounds. Play a four wood and am sitting well enough to select a five iron for my third shot. Tam creams his second, looks to be aiming for the Green keepers storage shed, but stops thirty yards short of it; very nicely placed for the third shot onto the green. My third, with the five iron is pulled left and stops short of the bunker on the left. Two steady putts sees me get the five and we are level after the first hole.

Four good tee shots at two and Bill is safely on in two. Mark plays his second to about fifteen feet in front of him and clears the fence with his third. Mark gets the six, Tam and I both get fives and Bill, the ever steady guy, gets the four and we are one up.

At the third, Bill tees off and is nicely placed on the right, I am also right but slightly further on. Tam goes into the shrubbery and plays three off the tee. Mark plays his best ever shot in this years Winter League and is at the back of the green, on the putting surface. I lag my second to about six feet and Mark is putting for the eagle. Ball comes down the slope and is very nicely placed for the birdie. I just miss my birdie and am in for the four and now have seven points. Mark goes for the birdie, it looks to be a racing cert, but no, it misses and Mark is now going for the four. He kinda like gets the four, well he does if one just counts his putts at this hole, but don't forget the fact that he had already played one shot just to get to the point where the first of the four putts comes from ! My four is good enough to go two up in the match.

The fourth sees Bill nicely on the green and in birdie range. My tee shot is short and left and I am chipping to get on the green. Mark is on the high ground to the left of the green and Tam is down near me, but playing first. My pitch goes over the mound, gathers speed and is about twenty five feet away with a tricky downhill, slightly right to left. Nothing ventured nothing gained so, off I go, and hey presto its in the can for the three. Stroke index 15 and my shot gives me three points and I'm now on ten points.

We are all safely over the big hollow at the fifth and Bill plays his second shot, stays left and is caught by the big tree at the end and nestles under the branches but is playable. Tam sweetly plays his second to about fifteen feet from the pin. Mark is nicely place in two just to the right of the green. I play up and then put my third onto the green. Bill hits his pitch from under the tree to one foot from the hole, and he taps in for the four nett three and we are now four up.

My tee shot at six is in the bunker on the right. Bill is nicely placed as is Mark and Tam has the privilege off playing three off the tee as his ball has cleared the out of bounds marker posts on the right. I am able to get an eight iron at the ball on the sand and know it about a hundred yards down range. My third shots, with the trust four wood is short of the bunker on the left at the mound. A good chip sees me in with the chance of the five which I get and it matches Marks five. At seven and with a forward medal tee, I am conscious of the shrubbery in front of the tee, and my tee shot here is nicely sitting on a branch of the gorse bushes. This hole seriously bites me and gives me a nine. After seven, we are now three up. Eight sees us halving and we remain three up going onto the ninth tee.

At nine, my tee shot is left and long, finishing up just short of the shrubbery, Bill is further left. Tam is short and left of the green and Mark plays a superb tee shot which is about two and a half feet from the pin and in birdie territory. (Again) Tam plays first, a delightful pitch over the bunker and into the hole it goes for a birdie and a share of the two's pot. Bill, plays a screamer, straight over the green and into the bunker. I duff my pitch, but it is in putting territory; just miss the three and get the four. With my "problems" at seven, I reach the turn in 45 strokes, which gives me 19 points. We are now two up at the turn.

At ten, I get a half with a five and we are on the eleventh tee at two up. A long wait sees Mark play his tee shot down  on the banks of the burn, by the bridge. This hole is the one that bites Mark. Tam, meanwhile is on the green in two and about fifteen feet from the pin. Tam rattles in the putt for his second birdie of the day and we are now just one up. Bill redeems things at twelve and get the half and are still one up..

I manage a five at the thirteenth and we halve the hole and are still one up. Bill gets down in four at fourteenth and we are two up again. At the fifteenth, all four of us are fairly well placed facing our second shots. My five iron approach shot is enough to stay up, just short of the putting surface and Tam is nicely on in regulation. I safely two putt for the four and the half. Two up with three to play.

At sixteen my tee shot is just inside Marks. Somehow, my putt for the two, with a tricky  right to left, manages to find its way to the hole and drops in for the birdie and a share of the two's pot. It is also good enough to win the match 3 and 2. I am now sitting on 32 points.

I manage a six t the seventh and get another point. At eighteen I am in for a seven, nett six and a point to give me a total of 34 points. My outward nine is another 45 strokes which gives me a ninety, less fifteen which give me a nett 75. In to the scorers hut to record our scores and then to the nineteenth. Bill gives me his £4 for the kitty and another pound to pay out the birdies, and off he goes back up the road.

At the nineteenth, I record the scores for the four of us in the absence of Headnooner. Bill and Mark both get 29 points and Mark gets the thirty points. Yours truly wins the kitty with 34 points.

I mentioned at the start that Alan was down south and therefore not at home to remind Alastair about the later start times. We never saw Alastair, which, given the events of the day was a shame, as in the absence of both the Payne's, and with yours truly in charge of the book, I had the privilege of cutting myself the mandatory two strokes. I take great delight in doing so, as the one time in this Winter League when I win the Kitty and get cut, Alan wasn't here to inflict the cut, and Alastair wasn't there to witness it. "Pure dead brilliant" or, in the words of Fred Flintsone "yabbaddabbadoo".

We now go into the last month of the Winter League, with two Saturdays over both the Lochgreen and Darley remaining. Tam says he'll be here next Saturday and having caught up with Mr. Wright in Morrison's today, there is a very strong rumour to suggest that he will be with us next Saturday to do battle over Lochgreen.

See you next Saturday, guys.

Nooner's News - 21/02/2009

Another edition, hot off the Press.

Saturday saw Mark, Ricky, Bill, Alan and myself arrive for the golf. Having been subjected to Last of the Summer Wine, last week, the themed programme this week was Dad's Army. Alan being cast as Sergeant Wilson and Mark as Pike. We were wondering if there would be any mileage in assuring that Ricky went out first. In my report last week, I posed the question "How about sending Ricky out first next week? May just keep him quite. there again, it might not."

The cards were drawn and Bill, Mark and Ricky were drawn out in the first group, leaving Alan and me for the second match. Did it keep Ricky quiet, as we might have hoped? No, not really. I get the impression that wherever Ricky goes out, he would complain about it. Still, a complaining Ricky is better than no Ricky, so I'll settle for that.

Alan and I had a round over Lochgreen on Thursday, so it was a rematch for us. Alan, as is customary, at present, was getting four shots, and one of them is at this opening hole. We both have fives, and Alan is one up with his stroke. At two, I have a six to Alan's seven and we are level. At three, I top my drive and its about eighty yards away, when it stops. Play my five wood to the top of the embankment and my third is on to the green. Two putts sees me safely in and we are still level. Alan's second shot is at the fifth. We have reasonable tee shots and are both short in two. Chips onto the green leave me about fifteen feet away and Alan is about eight feet away. I get the five to Alan's par and he is ahead.

Now, at the sixth tee we have a slight wait, so Alan and I have a well earned rest on the bench, which was an ideal spot, as it happened, to observe our three balls' tee shots. When it is Ricky's turn to tee off, he does so to the dulcet tones of the theme music to Steptoe and Son. I said it was an excellent view point to watch their tee shots from, and as they did so in turn, it was just like watching the Red Arrows carrying out a three ship break. Bill went off to the right, Mark went, kinda like down the middle via the gorse on the left, missed the mound as it went toward the bunker and Ricky to the left finding, finding trouble, just yards from the tee. Eventually, they all holed out and Alan and I duly teed off. my three here was good enough to win the hole and draw level.

Seven, saw us half with sevens and we halved eight with pars. After ten holes, I was two up on Alan, and he took great delight in telling me that he had strokes on both 11 and 12. After 12, we were level, once again. Alan managed to go two up after fifteen holes.

At 16, Alan was to the left of the fairway and I was nicely placed to the right. My fairway wood finished in the big bunker on the right, in the hollow. I was able to get an eight iron from the bunker onto the green to about twelve feet from the pin. Just missed birdie and got the par to close the gap to one down with two to play.

At seventeen, I hit my tee shot to the centre left about twenty yards short of the bunkers.Alan hit a nice tee shot and was about thirty yards behind me. His second shot stayed left of the green, beyond the bunker. My five iron  came to rest on the green about twenty feet from the pin. Alan chipped on and two putted for the five. I walked off with the four to draw level in the match with one to play.

My tee shot at eighteen found the first fairway on the Lochgreen and a four wood finished in the rough to the right, about thirty yards beyond the mounds. Alan was similarly placed. My third shot was superbly topped and finished halfway between me and the green. Alan played his third and was over on the first on Darley, about twenty yards short of the tee. An eight iron saw me safely on in four. Alan, put his fourth about halfway between himself and the green and was on for five. Two putts saw him get the seven. I knocked my first putt to about three feet and tapped in for the six and a little victory of one hole. Another good match between the two of us. I finish with a 92 and a nett 77 and 33 points. A relief when Mark gets 35 !

In the scorers hut, Ricky was again on about slow play. "Where were you two", he asked. Well, things would be just the same if he changed his tune. As I said earlier, a complaining Ricky is better than no Ricky, so I'll settle for that. I'm just waiting for the opportunity of going out in a four ball with Ricky, and finding that at the throw of the balls, we are partnering each other. Watch Ricky imitate a leopard and change his spots. When he does, watch out also for Sir Richard Attenborough's comments !

At the nineteenth hole, Mark wins the kitty with 35 points and Alan takes great delight in cutting Mark two. Mark takes even greater delight in reminding Alan that it is only a cut of one stroke. Alan swallows a mouthful of beer and then his pride, and duly gives Pikey one stroke back.  "You stupid boy".

Big Al is away next Saturday, being the doting Grandpa, he's off to his granddaughters' sixth birthday party and taking a pink coloured fairy cake with him. Rumour has it that Little Al will be with us in his place. Time will tell.

See you next Saturday, guys, for the last Saturday of February.

Nigel

Nooner's News - 14/02/2009

Another Saturday dawned and just two things had changed from the previous Saturday. One, a change of course, we were on the Darley. Two, Wrighty had come out to play. The rest was the same and I'll clarify that towards the end.

Six of us arrived to play, with Wrighty being the one additional player from the previous week. Somehow, the draw repeated itself with Bill G, Alan and I in the first group and Mark and Ricky in the second with, wots 'is name.

Off we go and I manage a six at the first, Alan gets the six and Bill five. Second is uneventful except for Alan, whose tee shot is grabbed by the bunker on the right. He manages a commendable six. Off we go down the third. Bill hits a reasonable shot and Alan and I are safely over  the burn. Bill finds his ball sitting in the grassy bank to the left of the "bridge". Alan and I are on the green, Bill joins us and as it is the custom here, we call the others on. One ball finds the green and is about twenty feet from the pin. We go to the fourth where we await the three ball holing out. We all add to our points tally here. My tee shot is over to the left of the green, sitting fairly well. A pitch takes it across the green and my putt for three goes to the right, but knock in the second putt for a four.

We get to the fifth tee and have a wait. Our second group joins us and Wrighty is full of the joys of Valentines day. "Did you get the birdie, then?",  we ask. "I've just shaved the hole", replies Mr. Wright, astutely. Wrighty and shaving holes, typical ! He got the birdie, one of three apparently. The three of us are all adding points steadily.

We get to the eighth tee and are very conscious of whistling from one of the guys following us. He is whistling the theme music from "The Last of the Summer Wine". We pass wry comments between the three of us that if they ever make series casting the Nooners as the main characters of Summer Wine, who would play which part?

Conscious of my comments from last week about the game that bites unexpectedly, I keep plugging away and reach the turn in 44 and 16 points. The one thing I'm concerned about is the aerated greens. Still not running true with holes and bumps. Why do I enter the medal with greens like this. Still, forty five weeks per year, they are like Axminster carpets. We just have to accept that, to be like that, they need some T.L.C. so just get on with it !

Bill has his only wayward shot at the eleventh tee. Creams it right, still going upward as it clears the shrubbery on the right. three off the tee, and this ball is a delight. Hits it straight done the middle and it finishes nicely on the plateau, left hand side. A chance of a redemption here.. My second shot rolls up the embankment and just doesn't quite make the green, and rolls half way back. Putt to within a foot of the hole and my second consecutive four here, only for the "holes" to play their part, throw it off line, bite me and yield a five !

Twelfth sees my tee shot pulled left. A bit of course knowledge here sees me chipping safely to the fairway, short of the green to give myself a chance of a three or four. Hit my putt some distance past the hole but it is a kind green and gives me a four.

At thirteen, Alan is in trouble off the tee. His shot is adjacent to the shrubbery on the right, but he says he can get a five iron to it. He knocks it out with a fade, and is sitting over to the right, in what Bill and I discuss to be "no mans land". Alan is caught between a rock and a hard place. The burn is looming. Does he play safe and short, or does he go for it. Alan adopts the tactic of "nothing ventured, nothing gained" and goes for it. It keeps low and runs and runs and runs, down towards the burn. Alan is in fine shape, well his ball is. It has cleared the burn and is sitting nicely on the grass, the other side of it, just short of the bank. He got away with it !.

Fourteen sees me play a lovely tee shot and then a four iron and the burn gets it!. Get a six in the end. Fifteen and we are all in good positions to attack the green. Alan is plugging away and his second shot is in the infamous hollow. Without Alan saying anything, the dreaded Tom Kite syndrome gets to him. Up the slope. Not enough, rolls back down. Up the slope. Not enough, rolls back down. Up the slope, not enough, but somehow it is, it stays putt. Knocks it onto the green. Sixteen is an interesting hole for us. Bill goes to the left of the green. He doesn't know that it is okay, on the pathway, but plays a provisional and that finds its way into the first left bunker. Alan is in the shrubs and also plays a provisional. I hit a four iron which finishes up in the hollow at the back. Bill finds his first ball, Alan doesn't but his provisional is sitting halfway up a bush. I knock my ball towards the pin, it just misses the hole on the downward slope and is six feet past. The dreaded "holes" send my ball off its line a I get the four!.

The last two holes are uneventful for Alan and Bill, but I am bitten, rather badly at eighteen. Superb tee shot, topped second and third is out of bounds and in a garden. What a silly place to locate a garden!. My carded nine is good enough to beat a ten from one of my playing partners. So, out in 46, back in 49 and a ninety five to give me a nett 80 and 28 points. So off we go to do the necessary in the scorers hut. In come the three ball and when I said at the start only two things changed from the previous week, I was right. Just the course and the addition of Wrighty. Ricky was  still on about slow play. Now, we were following the rest of the course, we were round in just on four hours and Ricky comes in with the first bumble bee of the summer, having a first flying lesson in his woolly hat. "We've decided to call you lot the Last of the Summer Wine" he cheerfully decries.

Ricky was still reminiscing about TLoSW. Now that set me thinking. If they ever do a series featuring the Nooners in TLoSW, how about the following cast.

Graham Wright ............... Aunty Wainwright

Mark................................Smiler

Ricky...............................Compo

Alan................................ Foggy Dewhurst

Bill G...............................Wesley

Nigel ...............................Clegg

and just so that some of our Barassie comrades don't feel left out of it,

Ross............................... Marina

Stephen B........................Eli

Unless you know of better type casting guys.

That's it for this week, guys. How about sending Ricky out first next week? May just keep him quite. there again, it might not.

See you next Saturday

Nigel

Nooner's News - 07/02/2009

Nooner's News - 31/01/2009

The last Saturday in the month brought eight Nooners out for the day, over the Darley. In the first four ball are Mark, Bill Gunn, Charlie and myself. The second group consisting of Alan Payne, Ricky, David Ellis and Tam. The first group pairings being Mark and Bill versus Charlie and myself.

All four of us go down the first and I play a good drive, followed by a good four wood and then a relatively reasonable seven iron, which stays left and falls into the front left bunker. I will admit to taking a fair few to get out and my opening hole sees a ten carded. Charlie and I are one down. We manage to half the second and at the third, we are waved through. I manage a four, Bill gets the birdie and we are two down. I find myself in trouble at the fourth and play out of the shrubs to the left. My pitch to the green is short and stays left. Manage to walk off with a six. Think we are now three down.

Mark and I both play three off the tee at five, but Charlie is in the driving seat here and gets the four, so we are just two down. As usual the banter is good. We get to the sixth tee, and having been professionally involved in the Air Traffic Control industry, I am very well aware of a rather nice looking executive jet, which keeps flying around. It is obviously crew training. To the uninitiated, it is flying from Loans, towards Barassie and then appears to be heading towards Arran and then going off to find the runway at our local airport, e.g. Prestwick. To those of us in the know, it is actually flying a crew training detail on runway One Three, left hand circuits.

I then say to my playing partners "look at that sexy thing" and they all scour the footpath by the tee looking for somebody of the fairer sex. For my troubles, I hear bats. To be more precise, brick bats !  Going down the sixth, Charlie and I loose the hole and we are three down. However, I manage to halt the damage at seven and we are two down. Now, I mentioned my ten at the first. Somewhere, between the second tee and the turn, Mark out does my ten. He equals my tally and still hasn't got his ball into the hole he is playing. When he does get the ball into the hole he goes one better then me and gets an eleven. That is E L E V E N . Written down it is 11. ( In Norwegian it is elleve. Can I mention that in Robert's absence ?)

We get to the ninth and both Bill and I play two nice shots onto the green. We half the hole in three's. Think that the score is that Mark and Bill are three up at the turn. I get a four at 10 to go two down. Play a reasonable shot at 11 and then cream my new wood to pin high, just off the green. A shot which kept low, and the ball followed the terrain, round past the left hand bunker and stopped just to the left of the green, fifteen or so feet from the pin. One down to Charlie and I after 11. After 14 holes the match is all square. Mark and Bill sneak back in front after 15 and the 16th is halved. At 17, my second shot is right of the green and I'm faced with a nitby. Pitch over and manage to sink the putt and after 17, we are all square. Reasonable golf, excellent banter and everything to play for going down the last.

Four good tee shots are played and Mark comments that we have now got the wind behind us. Charlie and I are well placed in two, about eighty or so yards from the green. Bill plays a delightful second shot and is on the green, about thirty feet from the pin. Mark plays his second shot and it is reminiscent of Glasgow Prestwick airport, e.g. Pure Dead Brilliant. Charlie and I are both on for three. Our opponents are on a par five in two. That's T W O .

Bill putts first and in Mark's words, "only hits it halfway". Charlie and I both have the hole covered after four shots and are well placed for fives. Bill putts for birdie and is eventually "in the can" with a five. Mark putts for eagle, that's E A G L E and he takes no prisoners. The ball passes the hole and is about two and a half feet past. Unlucky, not to get the eagle, but somebody once said, in the dim and distant past "a miss is as good as a mile". Charlie and I both match Bills' five. Mark, steady as rock, knocks his putt on for the birdie, the match and above all the free food and drink at the nineteenth. Walking off the green Mark, who is as smug as a bug in a rug says, "never mind the eleven earlier on, you can write what you like about that one". I reply, "I will, I'm off to find my Thesaurus".

Right then Mark, here goes :-

fortunate 1, having good luck; lucky 2. Occurring by good fortune or luck.

fluke 1,an accidental stroke of luck. 2, any chance happening

jammy  2, lucky

lucky   2, happening by chance

chance  1, the unknown and unpredictable element that causes an event to result in a certain way rather than another. 6 An unpredicted event.

Well, it certainly was all of the above.

There is one other word Mark, champion, a person who has defeated all others in a competition. Well done.

So there we have it guys, another good days' golf and banter. We have completed the fourth month of the Winter League so there is now just February and March. At the top are Ricky and Wrighty with 135 points followed by Bill on 132 and Mark on 130. I am fifth with 128 points, but watch all of us overtake Mr. Wright this Saturday, when we add our first February scores in and the aforementioned gentleman, doesn't have the allotted carry over and stays on 135; unless of course, he turns up!

See you on Saturday guys.

Nooner's News - 24/01/2009

Nooner's News - 01/01/2009

Nooner's News 01/01/2009

Happy New Year to all Nooners

New Year and New News Board, I don't know how much longer this section will run for or if a replacemnet will be done on the forum.

Only time will tell and how much information is e-mailed to me to post.

Regards

Mark